I’ve found solace in snide humour, sarcasm has always been the added baggage. Discussions with people usually go like ;
Person: Ebuka, this one you’re having your bath, are you going out?
Default reply: no oh! ( insert sarcastic reply)
It’s almost commonplace in your average Nigerian home to reply “obvious” questions with even more sarcastic rhetoric.
Initially, people found it offensive and refused to actively participate but new studies show that giving tongue in cheek replies “is the new cool”.
Parents too now participate (Bless their hearts), they usually find a way to make it uncool eventually (As they do with everything, remember WhatsApp?, yeah me neither, they say it’s “Wazzap” now)
Me: mom, where should I keep it?
Her: Come and put it on my head
Me : ……(sigh)
This ladies and gents are why you should never teach them anything!
I remember being forced to observe “siesta” much to my chagrin, now sleep like a colleague would say “is for the rich”.
It’s shocking really how you go from “I don’t want to sleep” to “please five more minutes”.
Some of us can’t really imagine living the kind of life we once used to live and considered appropriate.
I mean you’ve seen your throwback pictures, we’d be so upset that “babes didn’t even like me or look my way”. My brother did you like yourself? There are levels to this thing.
Some sadly didn’t change much even though they swear they love themselves like that, thankfully my bible says that it is in fulfilment of the prophecy of the last days “2 Timothy 3: 1-2” (Congratulations you’ve opened your bible once this month/year* heaven might just be nearer your doorstep)
It’s commonplace these days for people who were outspoken in their infant years to fully withdraw to themselves as they approach teenage ( possibly as penance for being nuisances to themselves and the society by association)
If you’re disappointed with what you’ve so far read, be rest assured I am too. My writing career and stand up comedy career surely have something in common I guess.
On the other hand, if you thoroughly enjoyed it I think it’s high time you did your family a number and checked yourself into a mental health institution.
My apologies, mental health is now to be taken seriously as more Nigerians warm up to the idea of suicide.
The next person to you is your neighbour, now is the time to spread love and positivity. Be the change you want to see in others. (FYI, I am averse to motivation)
FYI means “For Your Information” and yes I absolutely couldn’t resist.
Till next time? (In Eminem’s voice* next time? There will be no next time!)