Expectation Versus Reality

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The earth is flat like a Monopoly board game argues some evolutionists. Some others say it is spherical. I say, who cares about that! The fact that it is spiralling along the Milky Way Galaxy, moving at an average velocity of 828,000 km/hr is what makes me uneasy man. If that doesn’t keep you up at night, then I don’t know what else will!

You know how someone can have a really mean mug for a default facial expression. So when you see them, you immediately assume they are snobbish and not approachable. I’m here to tell you that all of that, is mainly a false premise. In fact girls with the meanest mugs, usually have the cutest smiles. Unless of course, you suffer a curious case of chipped teeth in which case, I’m not referring to you.

Girls hug you and stylishly let their fingers travel, maybe to check out your abs and chest before summarily assuming that you “work out”. I’m sorry to disappoint you dearly but the last time I worked out, it was to put all my energy into finishing a bowl of pounded yam and egusi soup. I also think it’s incredibly unfair that some people eat lots and never gain weight, but you inhale oxygen and boom, Fupa.

You think what you need most is a job, that takes you out of the house every day. Till you get employed and realize you were wrong after all. What you really need, is a never-ending vacation to Neverland with Peter Pan and Jane. Of course, when the salary comes, you go numb for a few seconds and forget all the stress it cost you. Mental slavery.

It’s Saturday, “owambe” day. You’ve been invited to a wedding by a mate from secondary school. You’re conscious of the fact that you know neither the bride nor the groom. But your friend assured you that it’ll be fine. So you tie your gele and land at the venue. As you try to make your way in, you’re stopped at the door. “Excuse me, ma’am, where is your invite?”. kosewe kosegbo 🙆. You go, “Let me call my friend, give me a minute”. You dial your friend’s number and…” the number you have dialled does not exist“. Game over, Satan 1, you 0.

Sunday morning, you wake up determined to move on from the disappointment of Saturday. You’ve selected your best outfit to wear to church. Your crush is going to be wowed today. A spirit told you to iron the dress the previous day, but you were too angry to do anything. As soon as you pick up the iron, there’s a power outage. You sit there for an hour, the light is restored. Praise God! You start ironing the dress and suddenly you start to smell something funny. Surely this can’t be happening! Lightning can’t strike twice? Sunday ruined!

Bottom line is, nothing is ever as it seems. I’m not saying plan for disappointments but when they do come, remember to pick yourself up because it really isn’t the end of the world. Unless of course, your crush tells you that you’re like a brother to her. In which case, it’s all over for you. You will die alone, old and sad 😑.

Viva la Vida

Gottfried

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44 comments

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    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Actually laughed out loud at the brother zoned part.. What bout being sister-zoned?. That’s legit crazy 🤣🤣🤣

    Love loooooove your write-up 👌

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I love your writing style! I practically laughed out loud reading through. I can’t wait to read the next one but I sure did get the lesson from this. It’s very deep and true.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. And then there’s retirement. You still have to do stuff- go to the dentist, dog-sit your kids’ dog(s), take a friend shopping… Of course, you’ve nothing to spend on those shopping trips, but if you organise things right you get longer weekends. Hang on in there.

    Liked by 3 people

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