Marriage is a conscious decision to find someone who supposedly gives you peace of mind, happiness and then committing to them. Right? Right? Wrong! It is finding that one person whose bullshit you’re willing to cope with for the rest of your life. FYI you’re free to quote me, I don’t have bags of experience to fall back on. Heck, I don’t even know anything about marriage, but educate you I must!
Anywho, before you do get married, there are a number of questions you need to ask your spouse to be. To hell with genotype tests and rhesus compatibility. All of that is irrelevant stuff in the grand scheme of things. I mean, all that “if you marry a cousin, your offspring will most likely have genetic disorders” is pure garbage and frankly baseless, right? By all means, do what makes you happy and keeps you out of jail.
Fellas, we have to ask the real questions. First of all, ask her what TV programs she enjoys? If she says Telemundo and Telenovela, I’ve got bad news for you chief! There’s no coming back to her. There’s no way she’s going to juggle being an excellent wife and mother to your kids and watch that stuff. It just doesn’t mix. Your baby is sat there hungry and crying and the love of your life is dancing Bharatanatyam in the sitting room. Tragic
Ladies, don’t ask him if he snores, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with snoring. The simple remedy is to buy earmuffs and you’re good. But, hear me out, if he farts in his sleep, by god you gotta reconsider the whole thing. I mean this man is trying to deprive you of life! Baby girl run! He can fart and the air conditioner stops functioning properly! What now?
Another important question which basically trumps the “kids or no kids” question is, “how do you like your plantain?” It will be difficult to comprehend the severity of this question till you’re in dire straits when you discover you’ve married a psychopath who loves overripe plantain and now your life is absolutely ruined. You can always get around the kids’ thing by adopting one, but you see this plantain issue, it has broken marriages. True story!
All the other stuff like peeing on the toilet seat, pressing the toothpaste from the middle or the tail end, and sleeping with the lights on or off are good shouts but there are bigger fish to fry. If your spouse-to-be prefers big onion slices rather than it being chopped into little bits, you’re in for a horrible time. Imagine Jollof rice is served and the pieces of onion on your plate are bigger than the pieces of meat? Where do we go from here? My dear, please call your mother!
Last but not least on the ever-growing list “White or brown bread” Now be careful about what kind of bread your spouse-to-be likes. You know that brown part of bread you usually throw away, they might like it! Or the first slice, some people would kill for that slice. Shocking! More shocking is the fact that some people like burnt toast. The people at the bakery didn’t do justice to the bread, so you set it on fire?
We’re not quite finished here
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.
As funny as this sounds , this is some scary stuff. How on earth Is she taking Telemundo as a hubby !!!! She even takes a step closer to “stupidity “ by having it downloaded on her phone and watching Em while I’m driving her to church . Hey sis there’s nowhere I’m not dropping you off . RABARABA!!!!
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Lmao why are you so angry?
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I love plantain and brown bread😋😋
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💕💕
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Lol this made me laugh! Although no marriage is perfect, what helped us along the journey of marriage was applying practical bible principles as mentioned at Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33 it shows how husbands and wives are to lovingly interact with each other. Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks for the lovely comment.
💕😉
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Lol marriage counselor
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😁😁😁
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😂😂
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😅
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Too late ! That was 42 years ago.
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Yeah I need to work a little on my timing😅
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Rule No. 1: Always put the toilet seat back up after you’re done peeing on it.
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Haha lovely stuff😅
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I’m quite new here so maybe you get told this often….. but I gotta say it—this would be great stand-up comedy material!
Thanks for the follow.
Stephanie
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Thanks to you. I appreciate the comment 😍
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This post is what I tag “Laugh and Learn”
Very funny and educative… thumbs up!
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Thanks chief
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Very good point, Gottfried. :-) For me, I’ve got only two things to consider.
One, you have to see that marriage is a full-time responsibility, including the child/ren if you wish to have them, and love does not go on autopilot once you sign the marriage contract. Two, before you get married you must be certain that you are willing to embrace everything about the person–all the weaknesses and shortcomings and poor habits, including the possibility that in the future they might leave you for someone else that makes them feel more alive and inspired. Of course, you have to consider the possibility too that you might accidentally marry a psychopath or sociopath, Godforbid. :-( So I think if your love for and connection with the other person is not deep enough to accept them as a whole package deal, it would be better not to marry him/her.
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“Love does not go on autopilot once you sign the marriage contract”. I need to have this framed😅😅. So much truth in everything you’ve said. Thanks for the comment😁
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Your words are <3 appreciated.
"I need to have this framed" — Great to hear this idea! :-) The quote is taken from my current draft of musings. :-)
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So cool😅
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Ebookhah, I’m done with you 😂😂😂
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Haha please, one more chance😅
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This is a good read so I am going to reblog this article for you.
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Go on😅
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Thanks for following! great blog posts
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Thank you😅
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I always say marriage is falling in love with the same person over and over but it takes work and can mean falling out of love but working on it
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Words of wisdom😀
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HA HA HA !!!!!!!!! It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye opener!!!!
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Haha 😁
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Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Kisses!!!
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😅😅😀
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Love reading this 😂😂
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Thank you😅
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I don’t have any experience on that but I actually feel most of this is absolutely valid
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Straight facts😁😁
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Lol, great post and humour! Thanks
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No, thank you for reading.😅
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Always 🤗
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No matter how well you think you know a person, you’ll be in for many surprises. Sometimes you can tolerate them, and sometimes you have to run away. Sorry, but even compromise will not work in every situation.
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That’s what’s scary about it😑
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😂😂
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😅😅
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Nicely penned
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Thanks
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welcome.
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Nicely penned.
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Thank you😅
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Gottfried,
This is really fantastic and educative .
Seriously!the snoring part got me
Laughing,good information .
Marriage is lifetime,it’s all about understanding ,communication, perseverance etc.
People need to know more about this before getting married.
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😅😅😅
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This is hilarious. Nice one babe
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Thank you😍
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Gottfried,
This is really a fantastic and educative .
Seriously!the snoring part got me
Laughing,good information .
Marriage is lifetime,it’s all about understanding ,communication, perseverance etc.
People need to know more about this before getting married.
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They do, they really do😅
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😂😂😂😂
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😅😅😅
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Hmm…. Got it…
By the way, Bharatanatyam….!!!! Heck!!!
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😅😅😅
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Individual differences in marriage. Funny and awesome write-up.
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Thanks Matthew😅
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Funny thing is some people don’t talk about these things before marriage………. More wisdom Buka😁
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They really don’t🙂
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Banter President! Nice one
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Thanks chief
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Do not forget to check his credit score.
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Haha facts
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Marriage coach I see you
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Eyy 😅😅
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😂 very interesting 👍❣.
Sleeping with lights on though.😋
➕ I can’t cope with a guy that snores 😏
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But you sleep with the lights on. Pretty rich😅
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Lol
please leave the over ripe plantain part for me!
I understand you’re weird.
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“If I speak, I’m in big trouble”
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Lol there’s always a solution to all these things. If he likes brown bread, no p, Our bread will be separate.It isn’t necessary to use the same toothpaste.Last last, we might have separate rooms (I really don’t want this).If he likes onions big or small, I got no p.If he loves soccer or something I don’t care for, no p. I don’t watch TV anyways.If he wants to go out with his friends, no p. Didn’t we have friends before we met??.And if he wants to bring them to the house, no p. I love to host people. It’s a major hobby for me.
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Aww, look who’s checking all the boxes. Keyword is compromise 🙂
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Your sense of humour no be here… but then you’ve got a lot of sense in this “nonsense” 😁
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😅😅😅
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Very funny!
I will so ask him if he farts in his sleep😜. Not bad at all.
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😅😅😅
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Reading this post from the beginning I thought it is no good putting up with you has a marriage counselor but reading through, I discover it not really bad anywayz… Great and funny post… To be frank with you, I dislike men that snores and why must I put on ear muffs to sleep peacefully.. Can’t we just have a peaceful sleep without snoring… I mean I could put up with him snoring once in a while buy when it becomes an habit….. Excuse me, I am so going to ask him before marriage if he snores……I love brown bread…. 😀 there is this sweetness that comes out of it that makes it so different from white bread. .
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Haha hope you realize snoring isn’t exactly intentional, so maybe don’t hate him for it and help him out?
As for the Brown bread, your reward is in heaven 😅
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Lolz
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😅😅😅
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Lmao,i love over ripe plantain plixxxxxxx
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“If i speak, I’m in big trouble”
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Gottfried, you had some fun. However, your intentions are honorable. A man or a woman should never blinding dash into marriage.
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Spot on😅
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This isn’t really the usual preparing marriage talk we hear everyday, but it’s fine.👍🏼
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Gracias😅
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You made me laugh, but I still wanna get married. 😂
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Lol hopefully that changes😅
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Haha😂😂
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😁
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Ebuka, I watch Telemundo and I’d still be an excellent wife and mother ☺
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“I prefer not to speak”
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Lool. Real something
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Yes oh😅😅
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That Telemundo part got me, the rate at which ladies watch that stuff now is very alarming. My spouse must wear juve or Madrid Jersey with me and rub my chest while I watch my match🤗
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Haha the dream😅😅
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lol!! True! lol!!!
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😅😅😅
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I want to unread this
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Haha sorry
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I’ve learnt a whole lot. 😂
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Haha you’re welcome
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Good Read! Sadly, some of us don’t fancy marriages🙅
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You can always be a “bullet proof” monk😀
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So relatable the toothpaste, bread, onion, lights on and off
It’s just finding the person that one is compatible with
Nice one
Got me laughing
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Thank you🙂
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Uwlc dear
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💕
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Lol😂
Crazy!
Every paragraph made me laugh.
Mr marriage counselor.
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Haha
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Guy! You’re not normal sir.
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Lol forgive me😀
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