Ladies listen up, I’m breaking the bro code to bring you first-hand information on all the things your man/spouse/partner/husband/non-binary affiliate wouldn’t ordinarily tell you. It might cost me a steak at the cookout but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to take.
His arm hurts. I know that you love cuddling up to him with your head on his arm which apparently helps you sleep better, but you have to realize he’s not made out of vibranium. Gents, stop suffering in silence, once she falls asleep, swap with a pillow.
He’s never listening. Yeah all you just said about your day, he didn’t hear a word of it! But nod his head in agreement? Of course. If you’re in doubt, ask him what color of camisole your best friend put on at the party you went for.
How many hoodies/shirts/Polos does he have to lose before you stop? Contrary to public opinion, he doesn’t enjoy you “stealing” his items of clothing. When you borrow it for extended periods, it loses its scent. Nobody wants your Cinderella aroma, keep it to yourself.
Make up your damn mind! When he asks what you want to eat, do not (and I can’t stress this enough) reply with “I don’t know or I’m not hungry” When he gets himself something, for the love of God, suffer in silence. Don’t carry your dirty finger to pick up a piece of chicken from his plate. Just know he’s seeking help from Amadioha to refrain from slapping your hand.
He actually doesn’t mind the nagging. So long as you’re far away from the TV or PlayStation, he’s good. Heck, sometimes he misses it. Why else will he stir up inconceivable controversy? He tells you that your best friend is hitting on him, and watches with a wide grin as you lose your shit. Why? Well, just because he can!
He really wants to say you’re fat. When you put on an outfit and It doesn’t fit. Don’t ask him if you’re fat! He’s wired to think he’s being set up. You’re nailed on to get replies like “Fat? What are you talking about”. He could even feign surprise, but for what it’s worth, best believe it’s time to hit the gym honey.
He knows you’re lying. Nine times out of ten, he can sense the lie from a mile away. On some occasions he enjoys the effort you put into a good lie and he’ll be tempted to reward you. On other occasions, if you see a smirk on his face, abort, I repeat, abort the mission.
We aren’t quite finished yetย when I’m done, I hope I’ll still have mandem to call my own.
ยฉ Gottfried. All rights reserved.
Mehn ,our arms hurts ๐คฃ
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You know this
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This is so hilarious!๐
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Haha thanks Antonia
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Such reinforcement that I had a God send! However, I also know that the odds of having a gift like that cross my path again are …well let’s just say I’ve already written in stone that “I’ve already had my happily ever after” & I’m good w/that #gratitude ๐.
He was from a different mold, but then so was I; I never weighed over 90 lbs except when I was pregnant…101lbs, yes, it looked like the day I went into labor I gained 1 lb, truth is…the baby gets all the nutrition, so after a 6lb baby I was 80 some lbs (lost my appetite during pregnancy, plus it’s always been my metabolism); I know…TMI, but then…scratching ones butt is out there ya know.
Maybe I’m amused by you because of my husband’s sense of humor?
I won’t ramble on further. I’ll just say thank you, have a good night, a smile & #peaceandlove โฎ obviously “i” will use emoticons ๐คช โฎ๐
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Haha wow, I thoroughly enjoyed your ramblings. Lovely story. I’m happy you got your heart desire. Love to you and yours. โค๐
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๐ฅฐ ditto โฎ
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โค๐ฅฐโค
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Before your first wedding anniversary, the missus will refrain from holding in belches and farts, giving you freedom by default to do the same with impunity. This is love.
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Awww so beautiful ๐
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It’s called communal relief. It’s all natural.
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Haha you’ve cracked me up ๐
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But it’s true. Live life the natural way, Just don’t force your spouse’s head under the covers after you fart. That’s not funny at all.
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Haha that kind of thing should be listed under “a thousand ways to die”
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Love it but you’re going to suffer for breaking ‘bro code’ lol x just one more thing do you think women don’t already know this??
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Lol you’ll be surprised
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Yeh I should have said some women! X
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You’re absolutely right ๐
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I do so admire those who like to live dangerously!
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Haha, if it ain’t this way, what’s the point?
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Thank you for following my blog
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Thank you for commenting. ๐
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After 50 years of marriage (our anniversary is next month) I find I agree with some of your comments, am amused by others, and have some reservations about a few. In any case, marriage is the biggest job of anyone’s life, but it carries the greatest rewards. Incidentally, welcome to Virtual Vitamins. May my words be a blessing to you.
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I’m blessed. That’s jgarrot๐
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Thank you for stopping by my blog.
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Thank you for returning the favor.
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Tell them ooo. Let them come hear now. I totally agree with you. Part 2, we are patiently waiting.
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๐๐๐
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This is hilarious! ๐
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Haha thanks ๐
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You got balls the size of watermelons, Gottfried. Incredible wit and voice! “I’ll have what he’s having.”
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Haha, thanks chief๐๐
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I’m not loving you right
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You should๐
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Gottfried, you should be a stand-up comic. Your reflections are priceless. Hmm, has anybody seen my brand new sweatshirt?
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Haha it’s in the works๐๐๐
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I so much hate cuddling.
But if you don’t cuddle them after kpansh– E go be like say you no like them.
So to prevent future moodswings, you just cuddle with the pain and all๐๐
Ladies, please!!! Guys are not Teddy bears.
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“I prefer not to speak”
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๐
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๐
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Lol
The T-shirts part, it’s not “stealing “..
๐๐
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Lol ๐๐๐
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Right on point. My God… we just love to see her nag
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๐๐๐๐ see my mandem
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LOL
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๐
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Ladies, we tell certain lies to protect your feelings. Author, you’re banished from the Men’s Estate for violating the bro code.
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๐๐๐
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More like word of advice to the ladies lol ๐๐ป
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You’re in the spirit ๐
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Awwww you broke the bro code for usโบ๏ธ. Thanks. But I think we love it like that, itโs the fun of it. Weโll try to steal less clothes sha.
Nice write up.
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Haha “less clothes” ๐
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Making up my mind at a go? Mbanu!! ๐
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Haha see you๐
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๐๐
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๐
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I thought as much.
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๐ ๐ ๐
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Thanks dear… Very helpful…now we know ๐
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Of course๐๐
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How are you my man then if you’re snitching on the men dem?
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Vector is that you?
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๐Thanks for the eye opener. We will do well to adjust….As long as you continue giving us expo sha…
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Best believe I’m snitching on you lot next
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Gottfried ,the counsellor
I truly appreciate this amazing write up.
Men love peace,they really hate it when you nag,we just have to be smart about things.
One have to be rational in his /her thinking and execution “Be a strategic thinker”.
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You had me at “men love peace”.
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Noted
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๐ค
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I really love the fat part, obviously they look fat but they really want to hear it from you,and if you eventually tell them the truth oh my dear you’ll regret telling the truth๐๐๐
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They don’t want the truth ๐ ๐ ๐
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Lol
Thanks for revealing things to us.๐
Patiently waiting for part 2.
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How many part twos am I owing already?
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You’re an arse!
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๐๐๐
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You just shook a major table….
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๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
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Make up my mind at a go? Hell no! That ain’t fun
You take your hand off when I’m asleep, I wake up and crawl right back into your arms..we die here๐๐๐
Thanks for letting us know about the ‘lies’ part, we’ll do better… alright bye๐๐
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Lol she really said “we’ll do better” ๐๐๐
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I didn’t know his arms hurt. He always asks if I’m comfortable. Could that be why? ๐
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Haha, yes yes of course!
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Dont worry bro we still got you as long as long as you didn’t snitch on the good stuff.
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๐ ๐ ๐ ๐
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Kindly Geddifok ๐
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๐๐๐
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๐๐๐๐This put a smile on my face this morning, I’m guilty. Bless up bruv
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Don’t let the Mrs see this comment๐ ๐
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I was trying so hard to hold my laughter… Damn… It fell off so… Badly. I can’t contain or fix it anymore… It’s scattered and tears are rolling down…Ohohoh my tummy hurts..
The “lie” truths got me… They should know.. Haha ๐
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Lol but it’s a truthful lie๐
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It’s a beautiful April Fool lie. Don’t believe it ooo
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Haha Timely
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What have we done ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
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What haven’t you done? ๐ ๐ ๐
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