Banter

Unraveling The Mysteries Behind Women

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I want to expressly say that the headline may have been a bit misleading, no two women are the same, but they all suffer a varying degree of indecisiveness, which if unchecked, can cause them to spiral out of control. Here’s what you really need to know.

When she says yes, she actually means no, and when she says no she means yes. Do you copy? For example, if she says, “leave me alone” go away! do exactly that. Don’t allow her to draw you into her confusion. If possible, stay a good 100-meter radius away from her like it’s a restraining order.

Don’t hype her pictures, they hate that. If she posts fire selfies, please for the love of all thing’s bright and beautiful, ignore. Even if there’s an overwhelming urge to send love emoticons, resist and throw the phone away. If she asks, don’t tell her she’s cute, apparently, only dogs can be cute.

Avoid complimenting her. If she gets her hair done, ask her if she could still get a refund. If she buys a new outfit, buy a matching one and steal her shine. Do not let her win. After all, they don’t care about the little things. Right?

Don’t check up on her, she’s not a toddler. Unlike infants and pets, women hate that you keep them under the illusion that they can’t handle themselves. If they can bath, eat, and poop without you, what’s the point of making those incessant calls? Save the airtime for calling your bookie.

Never go out of your way to do something nice. Look, a lady loves a man that’s able to keep the strings on his expenses. If she’s been jumping buses to work, let her have fun. She enjoys exercise. Do not buy her the Benz!

Women hate surprises. Surprise dinners, dates, trips to foreign resorts are a no-no. Do not show up at her workplace with chocolate and flowers? That’s the corny shit that she teases her coworkers about. She’s a strong independent woman, and she wants it to stay that way. Like the women of owu.

Women love silence. Whatever you’re going through in your personal life, do not (and I cannot stress it enough) share with them. They are not particularly interested. All they crave is peace and quiet. And while you’re at it, try not to use too much oxygen at regular intervals, save some for her.

When you’ve mastered the art of all that is contained in this post, you’ve officially hacked women. Ladies will absolutely love you and won’t stop coming after you. Or…Or hear me out, you could die a hermit!

Fine margins ey?

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

88 comments

  7. Gottfried, I hope you have an unlisted phone number. Some of these women may want a piece of these mysteries to unravel and dump it at my doorstep. Please don’t tell them more.

    Seriously, your humor and wit bring some laughter to my usual, boring day. Yep, I bought her a Benz, and she left me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. :D that was funny! I forwarded it to my husband! God! this is exactly what I want…. but somehow men think they need to take care of us like we’re a kid! Loved your post….

    Liked by 1 person

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  11. 5 advices to men for a happy life

    You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,

    You should find a woman that is a good cook,

    You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,

    You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,

    Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. It just looks as if I’m reading about another gender that exist but I don’t know of because the ladies will surely kill us after this. That was awesome

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. I was about to comment on the legal liabilities that could result, after reading the heading of the 2nd paragraph. But when I read the body, I couldn’t agree more … Lol

    Liked by 1 person

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  24. You really want some of us to get our heads smashed, so that you can come visiting us in the hospital. Ebuka please how do you want your thunder to be served😂😂😂😂

    Nice one though.. I told you, you are my master and I am still under your tutelage.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. Oh, I see. I was going to comment before I saw this. You need to take your meds and then go back to editing your post, change all the feminine words to masculine…that’s all the correction needed.😞

        Liked by 1 person

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