On The Highway Of Love (Part II)

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Excerpts from real-life events. This time I’m traveling. On one of my many cross country trips and as cupid would have it, I’m seated in the back, next to two other passengers, a young man and fair lady with skin like milk.

I had loaded my belly full with rice so I was prepped to sleep for as long as the good Lord would let me, but my ears had other plans. A few minutes in, she turns to my direction and asks if I have an extra earpiece since I’m blaring music loudly in my ear, I nod in disapproval and look away.

I miss the look of disgust on her face as she turns to the other guy who obliges, even offers to share the earpiece with her as they both settle for her “girl power” kind of music. Katy Perry for the win. I look at them and scoff to myself. “Kids”

After a while, the guy and the girl start talking. I overhear him ask her how old she was, but she wouldn’t give him a straightforward answer. Instead, she hit him with the age-old conversation killer, “guess”. In my mind I’m like if you bother guessing you’re an idiot, but what do I know? Right?

Time passes and we keep making stops because some people can’t hold their bladder. At this point, the driver is fed up and warns that he won’t be stopping anymore. Guess who’s luck ran out? No not me, I barely drink water on a trip. Mr lover boy over here needed to pee.

For some reason, they decide against getting the driver to stop and he’s doing his best to “be a man”. Tears are starting to well up in his eyes, so as a gentleman I offer him an empty can to pee in. He looks at me with eyes like “you must think I’m not very smart”. I was right.

He took the can and gestured to the girl to look away while he attempted to channel his energy into making an accurate shot. Such a shame, he’s shooting was off, and not only did he miss the can altogether, but I’m also convinced he definitely peed on her legs. She’s livid! I’m amused! The entire back seat is smelling like a urinary. God is great

The guy starts to apologize profusely. “It was not intentional, it spilled”. She’s not having any of it. I think to myself, today couldn’t get any better now, could it? I close my eyes and try to reconnect with my nap when I’m awoken to the bus swerving from one end of the road to the other. Apparently, the driver was napping too.

On the upside, following the drivers’ shenanigans, the two love birds find themselves in an embrace. The guy looks girl dead in the eye, offers a sincere apology and all is forgiven. All this time, people are hopping off at different stops. I get to my stop, convinced that once again, the universe has aligned. Hop down, open the boot to pick my bag and…It’s gone

Some idiot picked my luggage

Gottfried

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212 comments

  1. Thanks for reading so many of my posts… In my time, we didn’t have ‘gap years,’ had little money and had to be ‘intrepid’ to travel as so many do nowadays! (I made up for it when older.) I don’t, for a minute, imagine you’re the loud mouth you say you are!! Cheers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I stumbled on the 1st paragraph. My eyes added a hyphen, and I read, “fair lady with skin-like milk.” I need some new glasses, but it’s more fun this way. Good story, though. Took me a while to realize that you were on a bus; I couldn’t figure out why complete strangers were riding cross-country in a car.

    Reminded me of a 22 hour nightmare of a bus trip I took from Ft. Lauderdale to Cincinnati. It was after dark when the bus stopped in Georgia, and a pretty black girl got on and sat next to me. She introduced herself, said, “I’m from Tifton, and backwards it’s spelled “Notfit,” and it’s not fit to live in.” She told me some amusing stories. After a while I realized that she was reciting Richard Pryor routines verbatim, and even after I called her on it she kept going. No sleep for me that night. She just wouldn’t shut up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha Richard Pryor routines had me howling. A lot of interesting things happen on the highway, sometimes it’s difficult to recollect to the exact detail when you get off. A chatty passenger is a nightmare. They never shut up. I hear that for some, it’s a medium to cope with their anxiety. πŸ˜…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Goffried, you are a genius…you had me hanging on every word in anticipation of this ride, and what would come next. Plus it was hilarious. I had visions of each character and as I am enroute on the rail to work I’m smiling from ear to ear and the smiles are busting through my chest from my heart. Those quips were deadly delicious. Thank you for the ending – totally expected but unexpected.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Man, you lost your luggage 😲 hope you did not had anything valuable in it. The experience was hilarious through out the journey, thanks for sharing it so live and funny πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ Enjoyed reading it. But sadly in the end you lost your luggage. Did you get that back?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚Why won’t the nigga pick ur luggage, when u were the one that offered him the can to pee on that he ended up embarrassing himself. Hin for thief u join😁

    Liked by 3 people

  6. A trip too funny. How shouldnt you even have two earpiece for travelling. Can’t imagine myself on a trip to enugu from Lagos with one and we’re between those bushy, wilderness miles with one spoilt before then or one ear. So boring

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Guy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. This is still the funniest so far. May the gods of inspirations continue to be thy guide. 😁

    Liked by 3 people

  8. First of all, my expectations were far high but your piece of art was higher. Second, I literally was beating my bed while reading cause I didn’t want to use all my laugh-energy on just a paragraph…every paragraph hit the spot.
    And lastly, a wonderful piece of art indeed, keep it up Chief!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. “Someone took your luggage”, are you sure? Because knowing you, it’s possible you didn’t put your luggage in the vehicle. Legend has it that an unidentified luggage was left behind and still at that park till date.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. The new owner of your luggage probably said the same thing (God is great). Too bad for you though. I hope you didn’t have anything too valuable in it. That would be beyond annoying. I wonder what you could have done to prevent that from happening. Not much, I guess….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha. Best part is where the guy did his thing on her legs. My imaginations immediately go into overdrive! When he spilled it, I’m sure his equipment was still out in the open. The guy must have had a hard time balancing his apologies with not letting his dignity get dragged in the mud….

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 🀣🀣🀣🀣
        Funny man. Shit happens but not always. You must also be lucky that you weren’t stolen too. Nice piece
        Congrats to the two love birds ✌️

        Liked by 2 people

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