“Food gives you energy”. Must be energy to sleep because why else would I be feeling sleepy after having breakfast? Ever get so excited about food that you start to worry it might not taste as great as you imagined? Yeah, me too. I think with food, all the magic happens in your head. The actual process of eating is very stressful. Opening your mouth at five second intervals to chuck in large amounts of food that will ultimately bring you death is unsightly. If you catch your reflection in a mirror as you eat, you’ll lose your appetite.
The best part about being a husband is watching your wife cook. So you get to decide whether you’ll eat before eating, eat after eating or just go straight to eating. I want to eat before I eat or eat while I’m eating. Is that too much to ask? I only need three things in life. Food, WiFi and sleep. In that order. If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it. Indeed, putting each other on fire food spots and music is my love language. Nothing brings people together like good food.
Food always tastes way better when someone else is cooking. Good food, good mood. Girls who love food and boys who constantly ask if you’ve eaten yet absolutely deserve each other. The main reason we choose a particular food is because we like the way it tastes. Taste preferences are present when we are born. Even babies show a fondness for sweetness and fats. Strawberries taste nothing like their look. I blame social media for spreading lies and propaganda about how they taste. Awful fruit.
Cooking is hard work. The biggest scam is cooking for TWO hours just to eat for ten minutes. It usually takes hours to cook a dinner. Then there’s cleaning afterwards. And if you want to be fancy, you have to ensure you have time to do some early prep work and marinating. Sounds like a pointless exercise to me. I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open, looking for answers. I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge. I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t know where sandwiches live.
Food don’t hit the same when you’re cooking while aggravated or upset. Your energy matters. You gonna mess around and put too much salt in the rice, ruining dinner. Now you gotta order takeout that continues to blow a hole in your savings. The only upside is that the takeout will taste even better. Like you didn’t already have reason enough to order a shawarma. And I’ve earned it, I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Doing the dishes. People who don’t wash their own dishes upset me. Same goes for those who will use a cup for cereal rather than wash a bowl. I’ve watched people search for ten minutes for something to put their food in to avoid dishes. These people are definitely not roommate material. You might know some of the reasons we crave certain foods, but most of our food decisions come from hidden forces. You should eat cake everyday. Because it’s always somebody’s birthday somewhere. Remember to use disposable plates.
I’m a human plant. I need sun, water, kind words, good food and quiet to flourish. Took a huge nasty dump in the yesterday morning because I haven’t been eating wholesome and good food for a while. When I looked down before I flushed, Freddy Krueger was staring back at me all fierce. I had to flush twice. Later on I got hungry, so I went for a late night snack. Which leads me to this eternal debate. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there light in the fridge? Oh and by the way, I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
© Gottfried. All rights reserved