How To Win

What’s important? It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. You see, winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. I might wake up and do some exercise, or I might win the lotto, the odds are the same.

Arguments. What’s the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife? The man buying a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win. Here’s a tip for you. If you can’t win an argument, correct their grammar instead. Works like a charm.

A Court case. A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. When all fails, there is always delusion. This Cop pulled me over and said papers. So I said scissors, I win and drove off. Why am I getting cuffed and thrown into the back of a police van for being a winner?

Rename yourself. Nothing spells out your desire to win than getting a name change. Let people do what they need to do to make them happy, mind your own business and do what you need to do to make you happy. Live your name. Winner or loser.

At life. Every time you find humor in a difficult situation, you win. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I’m winning. A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He’s out there now…trying to win a trip back!

At Dieting. Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose. I’d be in great shape if I wasn’t so damn lazy. If I won the award for laziness, I would send someone to pick it up for me.

Drink up. Wine is win with an ‘e’ on the end. If you drink water too, who knows you might win your face back from all that acne. Yup, increasing water intake has a positive effect on skin appearance. Astonishing.

Spirit. When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. I think funny and talent will always win. I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you’re funny you’ll get over all that. In the end, it’s just a rat race. The problem with the rat race is that even if you win…

You’re still a rat

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