My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. A mother is a person who does the work of many. For free. Once you’re a mom, you’re already a mom. It’s like riding a bike, you don’t forget. Happy Mother’s Day to the iPad that is raising your … Continue reading Celebrating Motherhood

You either die young enough to be remembered as a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain. They call me the menace to sobriety. Nothing beats someone shouting your joke louder and getting all the credit for it. The … Continue reading The Ultimate Villain

Romantic love is a modern day invention. In fact, I’d argue that most people wouldn’t fall in love if they never heard of it. Love as practiced today is what big corporations pedal. When you think about all the flowers, chocolates, movies and love songs, it just reeks of capitalism. Real love doesn’t cost a … Continue reading The commercialization of Love

Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are. Constipation is the sure sign that your guts are giving you the silent treatment. When I get a little action it means prune juice is working. Farts are screams of trapped poop. Pass on what you have learned. … Continue reading To be Constipated

It’s not enough to win, others need to lose. Obstacles are challenges for winners and excuses for losers. It’s the small victories that prevent me from jumping out of the window. If you ever decide to take that step, do a flip! Because if you’re going to go out like that, make it spectacular. Victory … Continue reading Sound of Victory