A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult whilst the adults are out acting like teenagers. I love you so much my darling, but the second your parents come home, I’m going to bust out like I’m escaping Alcatraz. Can’t believe people had babysitters. I grew up with “don’t open the door unless it’s … Continue reading The story of the Babysitter

If your phone has an FM Radio on it, you just know it’s not a smart phone, like its owner. If you’re part of team “send me my photos” causing stress to people at every function. When others were buying a phone, you bought a torch. If you buy daily data bundles, how do you … Continue reading Signs of Poverty

You can easily tell when I’m happy by the fact that I’ve gained weight. My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I’ll be different sizes all the time, like a modern day shape shifter. Whenever I feel sad, I go to my happy place. The fridge. Fitness is like marriage. … Continue reading Happy Weight

It all starts when your parents name you “Peculiar”. I met a guy named Peculiar once, and I totally empathize with his parents. They were spot on with the name. No other name could have done justice. Any time Peculiar walked into a room, without turning to see him, you’d know he was there. It … Continue reading Dealing with Peculiarity

A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy for that role. I find it bizarre when former mistresses now wives complain about the entrance of a new mistress. This is literally how you got your promotion, stop being a hater. My career plans were much more exciting when I was five. You’re only allowed … Continue reading No Vacancy