With languages you are at home anywhere. Man invented languages to satisfy his deep need to complain. The only thing better than speaking two languages is being able to make jokes in two languages. 600 languages in the world and you decide you wanna talk shit. If the GH sound in ENOUGH is pronounced “F” … Continue reading Mind your language

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t. No one really likes keeping secrets. The thing that makes a secret fun is knowing that you weren’t supposed to tell it. Keeping secrets is the beginning of wisdom. My secret keeping skills are so good, I’ve even kept secrets from … Continue reading Can you keep a Secret

Whenever you’re feeling fat, try not to stress about it and keep your chin up because a tiny body simply couldn’t store all that personality. If you love your muscles so much, you’d understand that it’s important to protect them with fat.  A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. You’re not … Continue reading Becoming Fat

My bed is a place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. It is also the place where I make lofty plans to attack the next day with vim. Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you’re doing the impossible.  One day you’re 18 eating cereal every day for … Continue reading Suddenly