You can easily tell when I’m happy by the fact that I’ve gained weight. My happy weight changes. Sometimes I eat more; sometimes I play more. I’ll be different sizes all the time, like a modern day shape shifter. Whenever I feel sad, I go to my happy place. The fridge. Fitness is like marriage. … Continue reading Happy Weight

It all starts when your parents name you “Peculiar”. I met a guy named Peculiar once, and I totally empathize with his parents. They were spot on with the name. No other name could have done justice. Any time Peculiar walked into a room, without turning to see him, you’d know he was there. It … Continue reading Dealing with Peculiarity

A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy for that role. I find it bizarre when former mistresses now wives complain about the entrance of a new mistress. This is literally how you got your promotion, stop being a hater. My career plans were much more exciting when I was five. You’re only allowed … Continue reading No Vacancy

Trying is the first step toward failure. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of monthly payments. If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. You know what they say? “third times the charm.” If you never want to forget your wife’s birthday, try forgetting it once. I try … Continue reading Trying too Hard

Loyalty was a funny thing. So was Love. They both bit you when you least expected it. There’s something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty. My whole thing is loyalty. Loyalty over royalty; word is bond. It’s not about who’s real in your face, it’s about who stays loyal behind your back. … Continue reading The Test of Loyalty