Having one child makes you a parent. Having two makes you a referee. Once you hit four children, you become a Principal. Having kids is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything is broken and there's a lot of throwing up going on at regular intervals. It's no wonder fathers lose their hair … Continue reading Parenting

Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it. This country needs a department of common sense. It’s the one industry that needs all the funding. I know it doesn’t make sense to you because you don’t have common sense. Stop punishing me. Life … Continue reading The Gift of Common Sense

While in the army, as with most war stories, we lost our way. Figuratively. I mean all that gun powder and smoke does that to you. I remember it all like it was yesterday. We managed to suppress enemy fire and secure the village. And then it began, the people of the village refused to … Continue reading Fiction or Nonfiction

I’m only responsible for what I say, not what you understand. It’s not my fault you don’t have the requisite IQ to comprehend what I’m saying. I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying. My genius becomes so overwhelming I can almost taste it. It takes a real … Continue reading Understanding