You’re not big, you’re fat. Let’s be slightly more truthful. Sometimes being the bigger person means smiling and nodding while fantasizing about punching the other person in the throat. Not just because they called you fat but because they absolutely deserve it. The truth remains that you’re round around where your edges are supposed to … Continue reading The Bigger Person

My moods don’t just swing. They bounce, pivot, recoil, rebound, oscillate, fluctuate and occasionally pirouette. Men have mood swings. Women have mood leaps, mood swirls and mood loops. You don’t know you could breathe wrong until you’re around a woman with a mood leap. Suddenly you’re being accused of taking in too much oxygen per … Continue reading Moods Swinging

Moms stay up all night overthinking about their children. A job nobody asked them to do but they brought it upon themselves anyways. What’s worse is that moms get upset that we don’t appreciate the fact that they do this. Like it is somehow our fault. And you know they mean well, they’re just going … Continue reading The Joys of Motherhood

It is funny to be a critic. A critic is a legless man who teaches other people to run. Ideally, if you can't cook, you shouldn't tell people that their food needs salt. A critic like me is doing so anyway. The worst-case scenario is that it'll be the last time I ever eat your … Continue reading Dealing with Criticism

My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations. Who would have thought that boiling eggs and making pap would be so difficult. Making pap is the same as “fighting until you see the light at the end of the tunnel.” You never know if you’ve gotten it right until the end. There’s a key … Continue reading Cooking