I know the title is a bit misleading, this isn't a post about Accountants. To be accoutable is to be able to count, meaning I should be able to count on you. Get it? The day our relationship ended was the day you lied about farting. There was no reason to deny that fart, it … Continue reading Accountability

If at first you don't succeed, failure might be your style. I thought about losing weight once, but I'm a sore loser who hates losing. First, accept sadness. Realize that without losing, winning doesn't feel so great. I hate when I lose things at work like my pens, papers, life, sanity and dreams. It's a … Continue reading Dealing With Losses

A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went. Saving is a very fine thing to do. Especially if your parents have done it for you. Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you’d do for a woman you wouldn’t do for … Continue reading Spending Wisely

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they pick up, I'll say "Text Me" and hang up. Have you ever wondered why your phone is at it's busiest when it's on silent? Phone on silent = 10 missed calls and 15 new messages. Turn … Continue reading Calling

Don’t judge me because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud. I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times. Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. Marriage is sharing a home with a person most likely to murder you. Television has … Continue reading Murderous