Making Babies

Having a new baby will make you so grateful for everything, like the fact that your cells didn’t multiply and create twins. Being a father is the single greatest feeling on Earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course. Having kids is a reason to travel, never a reason to stop.

You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you are drowning, then someone hands you a baby. A daughter is a treasure and a cause of sleeplessness. Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected. You never know when you’re going to get crapped on or when you’re going to get a big smile or when the smile immediately turns into hysterics. Babies show that life is unpredictable and you have to go with the flow, even if that flow is poop.

A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby. Okay? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos. Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. Ma-Ma does everything for baby, who responds by saying Da-Da. I take my children everywhere but they always find their way back home.

Children have a full time occupation. It’s called play! You can learn many things from children. Like how much patience you have. Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children. Pregnancy remains the only time when you can do nothing at all and still be productive.

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him. And together, they make funny jokes. Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. Hiding in the supermarket. Hiding from their children. Children are a great comfort to us in old age, and they help us reach it faster too.

If Olive Oil is made from olives, what is Baby Oil made from?

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