Remember when people had diaries and got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t. You can’t cheer stupid but you can sedate it. Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives. That being said, I’m staying home today, … Continue reading Finding the Cure

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I want to see the manager.” Honey, if you need any more space, you have to join NASA. I must admit it. Maybe I’m a piece of history after all; occupying a space in your mind. The only thing that scares me … Continue reading Running out of Space

Watching me while a poop is a special kind of intimacy and a healthy bond that should exist between partners. Farting around each other is the key to spicing up your relationship. One whiff of her fart and you’re ready to redo your vows. Helps with communication too. I eat poop when no one is … Continue reading Taking a Dump

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. It took a lot of bribery and corruption to get me to speak. I was shook. I never want to do the same things twice. My life is so full of surprises nothing surprises me anymore. I don’t … Continue reading How to handle Surprises

I don’t like that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others. Nursing is not a career—it’s a post apocalyptic survival skill. If you can’t administer CPR at this age, of what good are you to society? The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway … Continue reading Surviving the Fittest