Coping With The Side Effects

~ Gottfried

A side effect. A usually undesirable effect. Are all side effects bad? Maybe not, but they do increase your risk of exposure. Side effects can happen at any time, without warning. One minute you’re making up your mind to judiciously follow your diet, the next minute you’re eating leftover cake with a fine glass of wine. How do you cope with side effects? Honest answer? Denial baby! No seriously, seek help!

Trusting. Trusting is fine, trusting too much is where you start to have problems. A friend pressed me for my copy of an assignment that was due that day. After a lot of pleading, I gave it to him and granted him leeway to ‘dub’ some parts. The problem isn’t that he copied my work verbatim. It’s that the course rep called me a few hours later to tell me that he’d submitted the entire assignments to the lecturer and he was positive he didn’t see my own among the lot.

Gottfried: Did you submit my assignment?

Miscreant: What assignment?

Gottfried: You’re joking, right?

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Joking around. For the longest, every time my cell phone rang, I would pick it up and say, “what’s up”. After a while, I upgraded my opening line to, “Speak”. Anyway, this one time I had just finished speaking to “one of my guys”. As I put down the call, almost immediately the phone started ringing again. Without looking at the caller, I picked up my cell and went, “Bastard, how far”. I didn’t hear a sound from the other end. After a long pause, I heard, “Gottfried, it’s me, your father”. 💀

Playing loud music. If you have your ears plugged, you’re a 100% always going to be hearing voices. Apparently, prolonged exposure to loud noise, alters how the brain processes speech, potentially increasing the difficulty in distinguishing speech sound. It probably explains why I can’t hear a word of what my dad says. And no, I’m not deliberately ignoring him. To effectively cope with this, ditch your headphones and purchase a speaker. Now everyone can’t hear a thing!

Medication. Have you ever taken one of those drugs that make you lose taste? And you’re sitting there like, I could have just suffered this cold and preserved my taste buds. I once took a drug that made me lose taste. Imagine eating chicken and it tastes like unleavened bread. How bad could it possibly get? If you’ve used calamine lotion, then you know what battling with an itch is all about. Why are there never any good side effects of drugs? Just once I’d like to see a drug commercial that says “May cause extreme awesomeness”.

Keeping fit. During my one year as a teacher in a girl’s secondary school. I tasked myself to teach the girls how to play football. “Lesson number one, you need to be fit to play football”, I said. After taking time through a few drills, I decided it was time they hit the pitch. So we formed two teams. 20 girls on one side, myself and five other male teachers on the other. In hindsight, it was a bit cocky of me. As I attempted to make a run down the flank, I was tackled by not one but two girls. As I sat there on the ground, out of breath and thinking about my life. One of them walks up to me and goes, “Mr. Gottfried, you look tired!”. To which I responded, “no honey, I’m dying, get help!”

Remote office. Having a commute home from work allows you to mentally detach from the stressors that your job may cause you. When you work from home, that transition is no longer there, and the line between work life and home life becomes blurred. So if you’re going to run a home office. Wake up early, have a shower, drive around your neighborhood for 30 minutes(for no reason). Head home and get to work. Extra points if you can find a passerby to scream at or knockdown.

Late-night buffet. Eating late at night can lead to several health hazards like an increase in blood sugar levels, heart diseases, obesity, and acidity. You know, the good stuff. Basically, the later you eat, the less your body is prepared to sleep, which can also have adverse effects on your memory and efficiency for the next day. Of course, it makes sense now, if you’re trying to get over your ex, by all means, eat late at night.

Falling in love. To my first love. My breath ain’t right since you took it. I look into a cup of tea and I see your face in it. If you could drink something to permanently forget someone, would you take it? That bad! Heartbreak will have you crying to yourself in the bathroom at 2am. Rating 1/10, would not recommend. Why am I watching soccer and I see a player that looks exactly like you? People say falling in love is a trap. It’s not a trap.

It’s THE TRAP 

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

494 thoughts on “Coping With The Side Effects”

  2. I love the writing. Well done. It made me crack up in several places especially the one where your father called. I would like to know what happened after! 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

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  3. Hilarious and brilliant and happy sad glad all at one time! You’re phone opening to your dad was priceless.

    This reminds me of LazyBoy TV, the comedian about psych meds and other drugs… the Herpes commercial with the happy couple scene in the park flying a kite with their dog… OMG what’s this Herpes thing? How do I get it? Ahhh, no way. It can’t be that bad. Look at the commercial! That shit some with a hot chick and a puppy!

    Or, his: “Do you wake up tired in the morning?” OMG. Write this down. I have this!

    Excellent post, Gottfried!

    Liked by 3 people

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      1. It’s part of an hour long comedy record. I’ll hop over to YouTube and get one of the sections and paste the link here. He more describes the commercial and leaves it to your imagination. It’s dafuqin hilarious and wise at the same time.

        Liked by 2 people

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  5. Ha ha ha 😂😂😂 Fallin in Love is THE TRAP 😜LOL, trusting, joking around the end is hilarious, wonderful topics and humourous as always. 👌 Have a wonderful Sunday 💐🤗

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. “Bastard, how far”. I didn’t hear a sound from the other end. After a long pause, I heard, “Gottfried, it’s me, your father”. 💀

    Hehehe.. Your dad must have looked at his phone, raise his eyebrow and bulge his eyes before re-introducing himself. ‘Gottfried, it’s me, your father”.

    For me: I’m gonna be shocked and I will put on some act, like… ‘Hello! Hello!! Network again!!! Then end the call…. He will definitely call back. 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 2 people

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      1. We all know network can be a bastard. 😂😂
        Especially when you need to do something and the signal is weak. Well some have given their network providers some mean names anyway. Hehehehe
        I passed this one# lol

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  7. Pingback: Coping With The Side Effects – A.J"s WORLD THINGS.

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