Thank Me

~ Gottfried

A lot of times, we fail to give ourselves a pat on the back. That changes beginning now. I have been singlehandedly carrying a lot of my relationships on my back. The least you could do is offer some form of appreciation. When you’re hungry, who do you run to? Me! You were naked, I clothed you. You were depressed, I made you laugh. I gave your life meaning! It’s about time you gave me my flowers while I can smell them. Humans are ungrateful. Nobody ever thanked me for having the patience not to kill them.

I love myself. I’m proud to say that. Perfection is not something I can achieve. I embrace my flaws and weaknesses and love my emotions. Even when I feel too much. I don’t regret making the decisions I’ve made and I definitely don’t regret loving who I’ve loved. I know I am a handful, but that’s why you have two hands. Loving someone is a beautiful thing that should be cherished, and I have. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

I’m the best thing since sliced bread. There is a reason why things happen the way they do and, granted, I don’t always believe that, but I stick with that. I believe in hope and fate and that the universe has a plan for me. I love the way I think and I’m proud of who I am. So I’m thanking myself for loving myself. You should too! I mean love me too! It’s no wonder that those who do love me, love me unconditionally. And if you don’t already, it’s time to let go of the hate and see clearly.

Don’t thank me for being nice to you. Thank the Doctor that prescribed the meds that keep me from beating the living daylight out of you. Don’t thank me for everything I have done for you, because I can’t do the same. Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure. Don’t thank the lord I gave you a compliment. Thank me. And above all, for those of you that have benefitted from the services I render. Don’t thank me, pay me!

I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I wanna thank me for having no days off. I wanna thank me for never quitting. I wanna thank me for always been a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more right than wrong. I want to thank me for just being me at all times. There are many times that I made you angry, upset, irritated, and tired. Today, I’m glad to announce that I have renewed your subscription.

Thank me for adding meaning to your sorry little life. For elevating your otherwise dull Mondays to become a day you look forward to.  For tickling your brains with my dark humor. For creating characters and scenarios that have left you hoodwinked, bamboozled, run amok, and flat out deceived. It takes talent, and consistency to churn out the greatness that is this blog. For this, you should be eternally grateful and grovel at my feet.

And though I’m the main addressee. The point that I must emphasize is, you won’t get a sniff without me! Meticulous planning, tenacity spanning, is simply why I’ll be king undisputed. Respected, saluted, and seen for the wonder I am. Now before you judge me, bear in mind that you’re a piece of shit too. And that’s why you love me. Love me and I’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head.

Happy 100th post, you inglorious bastard!

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

528 thoughts on “Thank Me”

  1. Hahah I will thank you for being being a complete Mr Trafalgar Saquar. True though with this post you will all the girlfriends coming kick the crap out of you. I seriously loved the dark humor in this post. I will give you credit for that. Keep up the sarcasm thats the ony thing that makes me want to read posts. Its always on point.

    Liked by 10 people

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      1. tooting your own horn is reaching heights today, huh?
        only joking, i do it to. we must toot our own horns as much as we can. lol!
        i love that word!
        toot. toooooot tootootoot.
        lol okay i’m done. bye.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

          1. naw, i was joking. i find it annoying when people are like, “oh no i suck at this and that and everything in between.” keep quiet and stop fishing for compliments…🙄🙄🙄

            Liked by 1 person

          3. oof. i’d rather break my horn by tooting it so much than embarass myself by begging for love. i’m no puppy, thanks.
            😀

            Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for the satire, thank you for the sarcasm. Thank you for the posts that make brilliant minds gather. Thank you for beautiful friendship, thank you for the smart mouth. More importantly, thank you for Banter Republic, I’ve never seen a blog more interesting. I have short attention span, but hey, I’m hooked.

    Liked by 10 people

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  9. “And above all, for those of you that have benefitted from the services I render. Don’t thank me, pay me!”

    😂😂

    Happy 100th post!

    Liked by 9 people

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  10. Thank me for reading the 100th post, and I can kiss your feet later for other posts Lol. Creative writing at its best,let’s keep it going

    Liked by 8 people

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