Savage Love

~ Gottfried

Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. When I first met her, I knew at that moment that I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind, so that there’d be room for her to stay. You see, a man in love is not complete. Until he is married, then he is finished. When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating. Do you say love is more important than money? Have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Oh please!

Men are the prize. I don’t know how women managed to spin the narrative over the years, but it’s time we reclaim our territory. That’s the true sign. If the lover has not yet achieved his prize, his eyes will follow the woman. But once he’s achieved his goal, it’s the woman’s eyes that follow him, while the man seems careless and indifferent. So you see, in the grand scheme of things, men are indeed the prize. And don’t let anybody tell you differently.

Every relationship you’re in will fail until one doesn’t.  And sometimes it’s not your fault. You have a face only a mother can love. I bet she tells you you’re special too. The problem with relationships these days is lazy girls. Money only impresses lazy girls. When a woman works hard, a man with money is a bonus, not a ladder to upgrade. Some of you have simply not understood it. You really think you’re “eating his money” when in fact he feels genuinely sorry for you and is trying to feed. So you don’t starve to death. Your expenses have no real effect on his finances sweetheart.

Spoiled. My mom would make my fruit salad and bring it to my room without saying a word. Then it hit me, nobody is ever going to love me this much.  I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from “you probably shouldn’t say that.” To “what the hell, let’s see what happens.” The thing is, some ladies are only pretty on the outside. And the way our society works, you get a pass if you’re pretty. Sometimes I feel like having them eat some of that makeup yunno. So that they can be pretty on the inside too!

Texting back. I love that super cute thing you do when you don’t text me back for hours, adorable. If you’re my friend, I’ll text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame.  You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this. So what I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in. You sent him 20 selfies of yourself and you have the nerve to ask him which is his favorite? Bold of you to assume he downloaded them in the first place. It’s absolutely okay to laugh at your own texts before sending them because you’re just that damn funny! It’s a shame the person at the other end didn’t get a quality education.

Phone calls. Up until recently, I had no idea that some people get anxiety when they hear their phone ring. Like, why do you have a device that gives you panic attacks and makes your heart rate go up? If your girl gets anxious when you dial her number, then is she really your girl? And that’s why you should always hit her with the “I’ll call you right back”. If you know me, that’s just code for we will meet at the feet of Jesus. So you leave her with the anxiety that you might call back and move on with your life. Because why not?

Finding out your partner is not very bright. What are the chances? English is a funny language. A fat chance and a slim chance mean the same thing. Ladies, if you catch him staring at you for extended periods, he’s not in awe of your beauty. He is only just wondering how he ended up with such an idiot.  Then he hits you with something like this. “Honey, you may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but baby, you’re my favorite color”. Then you remind him that he chose you. Says more about him.

Moving on from relationships is hard. Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. It helps. Here’s a pro tip. Let’s say you are still in love with your ex. What you need to do is print all the available photos of them and use them for target practice. If you meet someone and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, they’re not the one. When you meet your soul mate, you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

To be loved. Teach people how you want to be loved while accepting that not everyone will catch on. Some will try and fail, while others will try to get you to lower your standards because it is not the amount of work they want to put in. Many will love you, but not everyone will love you the way you want to be loved. Don’t break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them. As you might have ‘wrongfully’ guessed, sarcasm isn’t my love language…

it’s violence

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved

438 thoughts on “Savage Love”

      1. however my laziness is proverbial: every time a rich man invites me to go out (car, boat, plane, helicopter) I give up: it is too much effort to praise the fantastic means of transport … it is a laziness little appreciated by those who love to show off their own new toys.

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  4. “And sometimes it’s not your fault. You have a face only a mother can love”… this right here is savage manπŸ˜‚πŸ˜…

    Some say love is a mystery. Well I guess it’s time to try savage loveπŸ˜…πŸ˜

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          7. Most definitely. I do realise it. In a few years when life will be rushed like crazy , I know I’ll look back on this time. Like damn , we were so carefree back thenπŸ˜›πŸ˜Š

            Life as a toddler….well sure , it’s perfectπŸ’™ But if we don’t grow up , age and evacuate this planet , how will the others get a chance to have a try at this too? πŸ˜›
            Suck it up , you’re an old man now☠️

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  8. HA!! πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ ok I have also reached the age of β€œwhat the hell, let’s see what happens” speech lol … that’s just a little disclaimer before I start in lol πŸ˜„βœŒοΈ

    Let me break it down piece by piece lol..

    Love and money is not the end all β€œeither or choice” … or food… but food is good lol

    Let me clear my throat for this next one… men are the prize? The prize of what? Yeah I don’t think so… and indifferent and careless – I’m out πŸ‘Ž do not want that at all and won’t settle for that either. That is not a prize, that is hell.

    Also I am not lazy in any sense of the word… and I will add … I could care less about anyone’s money… they can go screw their money then… see how warm and taut that is. Just because a man has money does not mean he is a step up – you sir have that one way wrong.

    And a woman can use make up or not use make up and still doesn’t make a difference.

    As far as texting… I am at fault sometimes for not texting back right away … but I get busy… I work at 3 funeral homes – people dying and crying and stuff, I have services going on, all kinds of stuff – I can’t be like oh hold on I have to text back. You can be a big boy for a moment and wait… it’s not that I do not want to, but I can not! If a man can’t understand I am doing for myself – then ok – see ya.

    And phone calls… if you are close to me – I will answer right away if able – no anxiety or issues… but if someone is not within my close circle – forget it!!! Nope. They can text or leave a message – calls are only for people I love. However … IF I am in the middle of a death or service – you will have to cut me some slack lol

    And intelligence – I do believe you should have that figured out before you are together. Those signs are not difficult. Either you click correctly or you don’t – make sure you are thinking with the right head. πŸ˜‰

    I am not sure I totally believe in β€œsoulmates”… there are people you click with sure… and some you just feel connected with… but I dunno. I do agree with your point about when you meet the right one – you will be at ease

    I don’t like your last one… I have given my all to someone and stood loyal while I had bones broken. Won’t do that again. I still remain who I am, all through that… and even now… I am all about compassion, caring and human kindness … but yeah not lowering standards, know what I don’t want – and know what I do… if I find great – bonus for me. If not, oh well – I am happy as is… no bones broken anymore and I am free … so if a man wants to come in my life – I won’t accept just anyone. I watch for quality, integrity and heart – so we see what happens

    If nothing whatever – I already went down that road so if anyone wants to come in close to me… I’m gonna require someone incredible. Otherwise I don’t want it.

    I do love your writing ❀️ you make me laugh a lot… but I did not like this one – and you probably won’t like my comment either lol 😘

    Are you a Scorpio? Lol

    And I don’t mind if difference of opinion – nice little square off lol πŸ˜„βœŒοΈ

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    1. Haha, welcome 😁

      Men are the prize, just think about it deeply.

      Funeral home? Nice πŸ˜…

      “Calls are for people I love” you make a fine case.

      Integrity and heart? That’s a preacher baby girl.

      Haha, I love your comment. And towards the end the thing I said about sarcasm, yeah.

      I don’t even know or care. Scorpio, Cancer, tuberculosis. Makes no difference to me πŸ˜‚

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      1. Oh you are a fun one πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ you have a good sense of humor so big bonus points for that.

        Yeah still not quite getting the prize reference – but if you say so.

        Well a funeral home isn’t exactly umm my dream job, but interesting. Kinda took my life over when I wasn’t paying attention lol

        Hahaha that is not a preacher lol – I know there are people like that – you are too funny

        Yes I know – that is why I love your humor ❀️ you are very funny – that is definitely a great trait to have

        Hahaha did I nail you with Scorpio? Lol I’m only teasing lol … I only say that because of the end comment with sarcasm lol

        You do definitely make me laugh … but I still comment with things – c’mon now am woman – we always add our 2 cents lol πŸ˜„βœŒοΈ

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        1. I don’t think a dream job exists. A dream salary on the other hand…

          Haha, of course you just described your pastor sweetheart

          Trust women to ruin a perfectly good comment with, “I’m a woman, it’s what I do” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…

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          1. I definitely believe in dream jobs ❀️ but then that all depends on your description of that. Salary would be bonus to the dream lol

            I am Catholic – I don’t date priests lol πŸ˜„

            Am I wrong though? Is that not a fact of life? Cause I am gonna tell you lol

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          2. God knows there would never be a day that I choose to work. Maybe I’m in the wrong profession. Or maybe I’m just lazy πŸ˜‚

            Haha, I didn’t imagine that would be the only think stopping you from dating a priest but here we are πŸ˜…

            Is anybody ever wrong on these streets? Speak your truth sweetie

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          3. Hahaha omg you kill me – you are hilarious

            Well I have a dream job so we see what happens – I don’t have it yet… it is definitely not funeral homes lol… I am aiming though

            I could make a comment about the Catholic priest thing… but I won’t cause is probably way too bad to say. Is funny though, just not nice towards their reputation. You can use imagination. Oh wait maybe not lol …yeah don’t do that

            Trust me… there are people who are not any kind of preacher – who have integrity and heart ❀️ I already know that. When I find that, I will let you know how that prize is lol

            TouchΓ¨… always do!

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          4. If you’re not the end, then maybe you find a line of work as the means to the end. Like a contract killer. That’s a dream job, no? πŸ˜…

            Haha, you should definitely link me up with one of those.

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          5. Well I am deciding currently where my aim is πŸ˜„

            Well I know many priests as well as some people with integrity and heart – which do you want link for? Lol

            I have integrity and heart and I am not a preacher lol

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  9. And that’s why you should always hit her with the β€œI’ll call you right back”. If you know me, that’s just code for we will meet at the feet of Jesus. So you leave her with the anxiety that you might call back and move on with your life.Β Because why not?
    Oh shit, you’re a savage, I can’t even keep up with all of the other one-liners (or two-liners) flying by when I read one of your posts. But that one definitely stuck. Glad you got past thinking you shouldn’t say what’s on yer mind.

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