The story of the Babysitter

~ Gottfried

A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult whilst the adults are out acting like teenagers. I love you so much my darling, but the second your parents come home, I’m going to bust out like I’m escaping Alcatraz. Can’t believe people had babysitters. I grew up with “don’t open the door unless it’s me.”

Being a first born is all the experience you need to apply for babysitter jobs. You already have all the required training required. 90% of babysitting is just thinking about when you can go home to lie down. Making a toddler laugh is all fun and games until they beg you to do it over and over while you lose your freaking mind.

Admit it, you once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn’t get in trouble. It’s worse when they catch you doing something you’re not supposed to. Now you have to bribe them for the rest of their toddler lives. Potty training is not the responsibility of the babysitter. If poops starts flying, you bet I’m quitting.

Babysitting is the easiest job in the world. You get paid to watch TV, eat their food while the kid just sleeps. You’re even allowed to leave a mess behind if you can pin it on the kids. That moment when the toddler you babysit fails their homework you helped them do. You lose their respect forever.

As a babysitter, the best way to get the children’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Toddlers hate it when you’re comfortable. The moment you go check in on the sleeping toddler you’re babysitting and their eyes ping open. So you drop to the floor and roll out of the room like a ninja.

The biggest mistake you can make at job as a babysitter is to bring positive energy. The best babysitters of course are the baby’s grandparents. The grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of television. And it’s not just because she doesn’t like TV. Watching your own kids isn’t babysitting…

That’s called parenting. You never clock out!

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

50 thoughts on “The story of the Babysitter”

  1. The last two sentences got me in a fit of goggles. If you knew how many times I’ve heard my sister loudly tell my father “will you take him back, ever? Geez, I am so sick and tired of always being stuck babysitting your grandson! You are so irresponsible.” Yes, she’s the boy’s mother 😂

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  4. I was a baby sitter to my baby sisters and one other lot – but they were out of nappies.
    I was a granny sitter for a bit. Nappies were involved.
    And now I am a granny and you are right. We watch our grandchildren not the TV they are watching. And I can’t seem to get enough of watching my children but they are busy people now.
    Hugs and kisses. Har Har!

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  6. As a young dad I had no issues when placed in charge of baby daughters. Diapers, feeding, spit up, crying, fever, no issues. But the one time I was asked to babysit nieces/nephews I faile miserably in any of the all above! What is it about ‘other kids’ diapers and spit up that triggers the hurl synapses??

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