The story of the Babysitter

~ Gottfried

A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult whilst the adults are out acting like teenagers. I love you so much my darling, but the second your parents come home, I’m going to bust out like I’m escaping Alcatraz. Can’t believe people had babysitters. I grew up with “don’t open the door unless it’s me.”

Being a first born is all the experience you need to apply for babysitter jobs. You already have all the required training required. 90% of babysitting is just thinking about when you can go home to lie down. Making a toddler laugh is all fun and games until they beg you to do it over and over while you lose your freaking mind.

Admit it, you once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn’t get in trouble. It’s worse when they catch you doing something you’re not supposed to. Now you have to bribe them for the rest of their toddler lives. Potty training is not the responsibility of the babysitter. If poops starts flying, you bet I’m quitting.

Babysitting is the easiest job in the world. You get paid to watch TV, eat their food while the kid just sleeps. You’re even allowed to leave a mess behind if you can pin it on the kids. That moment when the toddler you babysit fails their homework you helped them do. You lose their respect forever.

As a babysitter, the best way to get the children’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Toddlers hate it when you’re comfortable. The moment you go check in on the sleeping toddler you’re babysitting and their eyes ping open. So you drop to the floor and roll out of the room like a ninja.

The biggest mistake you can make at job as a babysitter is to bring positive energy. The best babysitters of course are the baby’s grandparents. The grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of television. And it’s not just because she doesn’t like TV. Watching your own kids isn’t babysitting…

That’s called parenting. You never clock out!

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

50 thoughts on “The story of the Babysitter”

  3. SMiLes Mr Gottfried It Takes a Village to Raise A Child

    And Dear Lord Nomadic Couples Venturing Thousands

    of Miles from the Village Are Attempting To Swing it through

    The Concrete Jungles Working Two Jobs With Caretaking Strangers

    Oh the Value of An Extended

    Family Parenting Indeed

    Where The Only Pay Grade
    Pay Rate Currency Is Love

    Yes Parenting For Real As

    The Child is the Ultimate
    Prize And Not Just Another Way to Make Money

    Indeed Yes GrandParents Prize Parenting Helpers

    Other than that i’ve Never Used the Washer or Dryer
    in 33 Plus Years of Marriage Never Washed Dishes

    And i’m Not Allowed to Take Out The Trash as my
    Wife as the Story Goes Requires 3.33 Millimeters from

    The Curb in Fact She Says She Is the Best at Doing all the
    House-Held Chores and i Rate Never High Enough In Her Eyes

    To Assume Any of Her House Held Hobbies Indeed As Always

    I Reply Yes Dear Honey Do it However You Desire Indeed She

    Often Talks About the Great Care She Gives her Two-Year Old

    Only Child i Continue to Be and at Home There is No Diaper Wearing at all..:)

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      1. SMiLes Mr Gottfried Nigeria is surely a Focus of an All Hands Parenting exercise With
        Enough GrandChildren to Help The Elders too Nigeria Projected to Surpass the
        Population of China By Next Century As Most All of the Other Countries in the

        World Struggle With Fertility Keeping the Elders Afloat With Help From
        Down Under Their Ages Hehe on the Other Hand it Depends on the

        Localities And Religious Traditions too as my Wife Just Celebrated
        A Birthday of 6 Soon to Be 7 Great Great Nieces and Nephews As

        Great Great Aunt Her Sister Great Grandmother too of Course
        Yet On the Other Hand my Father’s Side A Total Dead End

        Now For Regeneration Yet of Course if my Grandfather

        An Irish Born Catholic Priest Wasn’t Woo’ed Out of the

        Pews at Age 36 by a Very spicy Cajun 17 Year Old Young Woman

        When He Was a Priest in Northwest Florida i Wouldn’t Be here at all

        Thank God For the Rule Breakers too as the God of Nature Plays By No

        Rules of Books Alone And without Measures for Birth Control Humans Most
        Definitely

        Will

        Procreate Yet True
        On the Other Hand
        Human Tools Take the
        Place of Human Life Now

        As Young Folks in Japan
        Push Robo-Dogs Around

        in Robo-Dog Carriages as the
        Young Folks There Increasingly

        See Reproduction As an Averse
        Human Act to To Do As Humans Turn

        to Artificial Intelligence Already As Hey
        These Avatar Words Are Far Beyond Distance
        Space and Time and Even A Matter of Organic me

        As Much as i Do
        Try To ‘Alchemically’
        Upload My Soul into Words

        It’s Like ‘Moonlight Sonata’ Beethoven
        Birthed it Hundreds of years ago still breathing

        on ‘YouTube’ For Now

        At Least Beat Beat Beat…

        And It’s Not So Much Population
        That is Eating the Face of Nature
        in A Zombie Apocalypse of Course
        As Over consuming Nature And Taking
        Nature out of Balance Is Eating Our Faces too

        It is consumption obviously as the United States
        Uses 40 Percent of Human Resources with 4 Percent
        of the Globe’s Population if the Rest of the World Were

        to match the Consumption of the United States that Would Take
        The Resources of 5 Earths Yet of Course that is an Ultimate Goal
        of Many to Get Over to the Place of Mass Consumption ThiS WaY

        Leaving Smaller and Smaller rooms for Humans to actually Humanly
        Warmly Move Connect and Co-create Together for Real Humans aren’t

        Evolved Well
        For Instant
        Gratification
        Live Out of Balance
        Find Out How Blind We Truly
        Are to Who We Even Are: Human…

        i Understand ‘The Condition’ of the Condition
        And That’s Why i Stay Close to Naked Enough Whole Complete..:)

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