Being sick is just your body's way of saying you're too awesome, and you need to slow down, so everyone can catch up. Remember when you could refer to your knees as right and left? Instead of good and bad. Ah, good times eh! I'm so offended when my body decides to be sick. Like … Continue reading Sick Leave

I miss the old days when men were men, and were married to women deserving of them. Men went from commanding armies and destroying civilizations to "I slept on the couch because my wife was angry with me." In their own house! Pathetic to say the least. If she says she’s taken, it’s probably for … Continue reading What Happened To Men

Why I left my last job? The company shifted the office and didn't tell me where it was. Where I see myself in five years? I'd say my biggest weakness is listening. What I have planned for the future? To eat lunch. Long-term plans? Well, to have dinner. What do I make at my current … Continue reading The Interview

Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You're my friend, you literally signed up for this. A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked. Happiness is insulting … Continue reading No new Friends

When life gives you lemons, construct a crude electrochemical battery. If overthinking situations burned calories, I'd be dead. Worrying will be the death of every one of us if we don't snap out of it. It's bigger than you, just chill and see what karma comes up with. I hate leaving home when I don't … Continue reading Low Battery