No Sound Without Silence

Without death, life is worthless. A classic case of “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” But what is life without humor? Imagine you had a rare deficiency that didn’t allow you have a laugh. Someone says something funny and the only reaction you can manage is “I am Groot”. Sensational

The scene is set in southside, Port Harcourt. The year is 2007. Dad has warned that nobody is caught ironing on Sunday, but it fell on deaf ears. Charity didn’t hear the footsteps, she was humming her favorite song, it hit her like a lightning bolt. The iron dropped to the floor. It was quiet for five full seconds, and then the wailing began. Inconsolable.

Lying is art. Yeah, I know the Christians, Muslims, and all other moral agents are shaking in their boots right now, but this is the truth. The greatest con artists to ever walk the surface of the earth were all pretty decent liars. An excellent lie is foolproof. It doesn’t give anything away. In fact, the subject of discussion is dead on arrival.

“Why did you eat the last piece of meat?”

“What meat?”

Silence, Case, closed.

A wise man once said, “Nothing”. The wisdom in silence is golden. Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Why isn’t he talking? Should I make him talk? Oh shit, he’s grinning! What’s so funny? Argghhh! I hate this guy! And you’re over there thinking about a joke you heard last week. You think to yourself, Kevin Hart is so funny man! “A Deer-bra” 😂.

Preparing for final exams can cause you to take extreme measures. Some go several hours without food or drink, others take caffeine to stay up all night. On the D-day, the faculty stations an ambulance outside, in the event people decide to faint. If you’re unlucky, you get seat number one, right in front of the Exam officer. The hall falls into a dead silence, and then your stomach grumbles. Now is not the time!

On the road again. The journey across the seven bridges. You know it was a bad idea to have a bean cake for breakfast, but you couldn’t resist. As a master of the dark arts of bowel movements, it’s pertinent that you’re able to discern between common farts and the real deal. You feel it coming, you’re set to take a calculated gamble. Ready, set, hummmmm! It’s a loud one! Almost immediately, you know you’ve made the wrong call, your pants are suddenly heavier. Shit.

There’s an art in breaking hearts. But there’s no fair in farewell. I hope you’re inspired to reach out today and stop dying in silence. Because, what’s better than getting rejected?

Getting rejected twice

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.