In The Eyes Of A Giant

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There is a permanent bias towards tall people. For short people and/or fat people, people are quick to get on a high horse when you call out the obvious. But giants get no such protection. I am always getting roasted for being tall like it’s a bad thing. Talking about “you’re tall for nothing”. How about you? What’s your excuse for being the same size as a side stool?

Joseph: How tall are you?

Gottfried: 6’5

Joseph: Do you play basketball?

Gottfried: Nope

Joseph: What a waste! How can you be that tall and not play basketball?

Gottfried: Do you play mini-golf? No? But here we are.

Yes, the rumours are true, the air up here is a lot fresher. One of the upsides of being a giant, away from being able to reach the top shelves at supermarkets (subtle reminder we’re not obligated to assist you), I also get to breathe fresher, unadulterated air. No guessing why brief people are constantly making a fuss, their nostrils are clogged.

I am not your selfie stick. If I do choose, out of the magnanimity of my good heart, I could take charge of selfies. If I’m not feeling it, leave me alone, nobody asked you to come here a minion. Oh and yeah, when you “play” punch me, it actually hurts. Being huge doesn’t reduce the pain. One of these days I’ll hit back and land you in the hospital.

I’ll start charging for hugs. There’s a common misconception that giants are your life-sized teddy bears. Kindly shelve that idea. It does help if you smell nice though, so replace your deodorant and we’ll see. I’ll tell you this though, I’m tired of people hugging my tummy. Can you guys like “grow up”?

I get tired too. For my little nieces and nephews, if I’ve carried you once, I can’t do it ten more times, don’t be a little shit. For the older folk, the same applies, the last thing on my mind is to carry y’all on my back. I remember this one time I scored a match-winning goal for my Department and the entire bench ran onto the pitch to celebrate with me. I found myself under a pile of close to twenty bodies. Long story short, I nearly died that day.

My dress sense isn’t off. You don’t just know the struggle of finding items of clothing and shoes that fit. Don’t be that asshole that’s counting the number of my outfits. Talking about “you like this shoe oh”. My friend, it’s my only shoe, shut up. I have to make all my shoes, plus they cost a fortune. It’s not that I planned to look homeless, it’s the market.

There are many positives to being a giant. You can randomly give someone a knock during a parade and they’ll never guess it’s you. But know this, Giants are some of the kindest, warmest, most caring and all-around welcoming people you’ll ever meet. The idea isn’t really to talk down on you, it’s just how it is. It does help that people “lookup” to me and I promise to not disappoint.

Get yourself a giant

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

208 comments

  1. I’m just barely five feet tall, and as a tiny person, I would like to express my utmost gratitude to all the gentle giants who have helped me reach a box of cereal, put my baggage in the overhead carrier, and inadvertently shielded me from strong wind on cold winter days. Your kindness is greatly appreciated, and I always strive to return the favor by picking stuff up from the floor or looking for small electronics in couch crevices.
    PS – Thanks a lot for liking and following my blog!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Enjoyed the post. I can relate a little. At 5′ 10″ I was often the tall gal in the room, in the back row in class pictures and taller than the boys at the junior high dances. Thanks for discovering my blog so I could discover yours and your humor.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I think that’s something we all forget about. But it’s akin to saying, β€œI’m going on vacation to Europe.” I really really want to go to South Africa. How does Western Africa compare? Also, tell me about these surprises.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, Bob,this is a nice site to find, is it not? Glad to see you are alert, and on the ball. The goal-keeper is asleep, just make sure that ball falls inside the net! A tall, tall woman has all that much more to Love on!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Hahahaha! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ OMG! This was funny. Although, I have to admit I’m one of those short to you people that always say to the tall people, “You’re so tall!”. My son is tallish for my family anyway. He takes after my uncle who was about your height, but not son Big Baby Boy is only 6’2″. The funny thing people say to me when they see him is, ” You gave birth to him, he’s so tall!”.

    It must be really really nice not to have go get or hunt up a step ladder to reach the top shelf of anything!
    You could sit so people could hug you and not your tummy. Just sayen. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

  4. We have a giant friend. 6’7″. We never gave it a second thought to how many times he must have the same conversation with new people. It has to be mind numbing.
    Personally I’m reasonably tall, and it’s not always what it’s cracked up to be. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lol Ebuka like you read my mind I said i will tell you to write on Tall people nice write-up. Let all this teamshort know that the taller you are the wiser you become and the longer you live. It’s better you are looked up to than to be looked down upon 😎😎.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 6’5 giant? Hmm, but still that’s nature responsibility on taller beings to look tough that’s why they are required in the military πŸ˜‚. Nice post boss.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Gottfried,

    Did you remove this post? I tried to go to it and leave a comment and it says β€œpost not found.”

    I got a kick out of it – and decided to use a little of your own β€œbanter” and respond to it on my blog. I hope that’s okay.

    Jan Beek ;o)

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Why I’d Stan this post, in the era where fat people are claiming body shaming when called fat instead of thick, or short people saying not to be called short or down to earth, tall people shouldn’t be bodyshamed because they are tall. I’d start a movement on you people’s behalf πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You also get to breathe fresher, unadulterated air?
      Scam!!!

      I jes get threatened standing in front of tall guys, I either ask them to shift back or I climb on a higher step or stone..
      Lol, intimidation isn’t good for my health

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Maybe you see aggression as unfriendly. In the moshpit of life it’s best to attack the big guy who is standing there hoping to get into the action but no one will give him a push. Just don’t attack from behind; that’s too sneaky.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. it all ends with tall people looking down on short people, and short people looking up to tall people…but we are all equal.
    You know you have a lot of work to do since you’re tall… 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

  11. You’ll be shading people that are short.
    Thank God I’m 6 foot, if not we go wear the same trouser.
    Nice write up.
    Na only one Joseph my mind dey reason

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I never think the other way, but yes I have played mini golf. I am guilty of asking very tall people do they basketball. I’d say I’m sorry but I feel like I will ask tall people that dumb question again. This time I will be prepared to answer if I play mini golf.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Godfried I feel attacked πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜’, I hate you, at least I don’t hear short for nothingπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.. which one is mini golf again habaaπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. But short people are also caring and loving.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Bros, you are not okay at all.. Which one is mini golf… Don’t worry with your kind of height you don’t need to climb a palm tree before u tap wine from it…. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Thank you, my humble in height friends, I’m not as tall as Lord Banter, so no tummy hugs. Hence, I have to deal with breast hugs. Sighs πŸ˜ͺ

    But truly, we are the nicest and most considerate because we can see through your crown into your soul and are simply moved to help.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow!!!!
    Your dedicated a whole blog post to people like me, shading us all through. How sweet of you πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

    Liked by 1 person

  17. It just occurred to me you’re tall and smart πŸ˜‚

    I grew up believing tall people were dumb and honestly, majority are dumb.
    Thank the God of Apo for this change. πŸ™πŸ»

    Nice write up as usual πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ordinarily I would feel personally attacked for using my name in the dialogue, but then I figured I’m not the size of a side stool πŸ˜….

    Praised for being very kind, but an item of ours drops to the ground and we are left with no choice but to look down on others.

    This is πŸ‘Œ

    Liked by 1 person

  19. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ very nice. And please don’t stop hugging people or charging them ( I am peopleπŸ˜’)
    πŸ‘ πŸ‘, but true true Ebuka, how can you be tall and not play basketball?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol
        “Tired of people hugging my tummy”πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        Dude,this is wicked.
        Well,thank God for high heels. God bless whoever came up with the idea.πŸ€—

        Liked by 1 person

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