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You know what they say about firstborns, the guinea pig for parenting. Pearl arrived to a lot of celebration and fanfare. Little did management know that three more were on the way. Born a Luna, she took the role head-on.

The alpha of the pack, she made us tick. The glue between the parents and the children. How else will my parents know I secretly ate at a birthday party? The mediator and protector of the family name. And sometimes, attorney of Heaven’s court…

Pearl: Why did you eat all the bananas?

Gottfried: I did not

Pearl: So who ate them cause I’m sure it’s you!

Pearl: You don’t know that if you lie, you’ll go to hell and fire will be burning you…

Gottfried: You think I like that thing you’re saying 😧

Auxiliary Parent. It’s no secret that firstborns are oftentimes given so much responsibility that the younger siblings almost always see them as a Parent. She called the shots! She shared everybody’s chores (including my actual parents) and ensured that those who didn’t complete their chores felt the brunt of it. Snacks and special delicacies remained untouched till her arrival. Unless of course, you had alternative sleeping arrangements with a neighbor would you dare challenge the status quo?

Meticulously meticulous. If she decides that a particular meal must be eaten in a certain way and with a certain topping, you better pray to the old gods you don’t die of hunger. This one time, her husband and I are waiting to eat breakfast. What was taking so long to make? Sandwiches. I look at the old boy and I’m like…

“I’m not trying to die in my own backyard”

So we sneaked out to go and eat. She gave me an attitude for about 72 hours. Looking back, was it really worth it? Staying alive? I mean, of course!

For the big occasion. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, she got you covered. She will throw her weight around you and ensure everything goes to plan. One of my earlier birthdays, she organized a cultural dance group to make a presentation, complete with drummers(who drummed on buckets by the way). This is the clearest indication yet that I’ve always been a big man.

The queen of persuasion. Pearl, when she’s in the mood, can convince you to do anything. Ranging from going to help her grind pepper to traveling several hours for a surprise birthday party. She’s that good. Heck, there were periods we listened to her at the expense of our parents’ instructions. Mom used to travel a lot at the time, so she’ll calmly tell you that when this interim government leaves, we all know who power will be restored to and nobody wants that smoke!

Conflict resolutionist and in-house therapist. If she notices anything is the matter with you, you better be ready to spill because she’ll quiz you to death. It’s worse if you’ve been behaving badly because as children of a clergyman, that was quite simply unacceptable. She once dragged my brother and me to church and knelt beside us to ensure we confessed our sins that day. Long story short, we got all the colors of salvation there is.

Leader. From excelling academically (winning multiple awards), to showing us how to handle relationships. If I’m ever in line for a political appointment(nailed on to happen by the way), she’s in line for my first draft pick for commissioner. They don’t make them like Pearl anymore. No seriously, I called the baby-makers to make an order for myself and apparently the materials they used for her have been discontinued.

Of great price




  1. There was a time when we were growing up,everyone knows me to be usual “no dull moment guy”,and most times I’m always at the center of every gist,because I make people laugh,sometime too I use to be shy. To cut the long story short. We were invited to the house for her birthday,we were all having fun not until when she turned to me and said I should tell a joke. Immediately all the jokes I knew disappeared, I started feeling like “I’m a supposed to be a comedian?”. Each time I think of those moments I’d just be laughing cos shyness bin wan skater me that day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahahaha, different colors of salvation kwa! You must have prayed your eyes off.
    I love this piece, think I will save it up for my coming pearl (first born).

    You are doing great Bro

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I visited her one day in school, I had just finished eating before I went to see her.
    She convinced me to eat her food detailing the health benefits contained in her meal.
    She could convince the devil that he was wrong to aspire to be like God

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m a pearl too😊……
    But I could learn a few from this pearl…….she makes the “pearly” journey seem sooooo easy…….
    You really should arrange a meet -and-greetπŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

  5. A pearl indeed, my family’s own pearl is noisier than the whole house😭, but still the best in administration and execution. BTW you make me look forward to Mondays

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m not trying to die in my own backyard”….this one got me……that is y my people use to say, that he who
    fights and run, lives to fight another day. I gladly choose attitude to hunger any day……..anytime. Lols

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You don’t know that if you lie, you’ll go to hell and fire will be burning you…

    Gottfried: “You think I like that thing you’re saying”..
    This one got my laughing cos is exactly what I hear during my younger days. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ragwo!? I can’t believe this. I feel greatly loved… almost overwhelmed… love you lots Darling.

      Excitedly watching your rise to the top… You know that’s where you belong. πŸ˜πŸ’πŸ’“πŸ’“

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Apparently there are Pearls and there are Pearls , lol.
    I’m the Pearl in my home and I sure don’t have this work experience.
    I’d like to meet this particular Pearl for guidance. She makes it seem easy. ❀

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Pearl the Alpha female, every home has a pearl,we love pearls😘, we look up to them for directions. Don’t worry maybe the production of the material was discontinued for a short time. Try again later πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

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