The Pessimistic Optimist

After engaging in several internal battles with myself, I have decided to lead the life of a Pessimistic Optimist. For context, a pessimistic optimist(me) is a pessimistic person and at the same time hopeful. If you lead this lifestyle, bad outcomes will be expected, but if it’s good, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and enjoy them. This isn’t the same for the realist, to whom events in life seem transparent because they (realists) can predict the outcome of various situations.

Am I the only one that has a weird feeling when too much happy shit is going on? You ever meet someone so optimistic, it’s almost annoying? Why are you so cheerful? Prancing around like you just won the damn lottery! Who told you everything is going to be okay? Also, forgive me for worrying about your mental health, but what could be your reason for singing at the top of your voice in the middle of the night?

It’s worse when a friend is going through a heartbreak and you have to pretend to feel sorry for them. Serves them right for trying to find happiness plus it’s not like you didn’t see it coming.

Honey, I knew damn well the day you started to talk to him that it would end in ‘hot premium tears’ but you wouldn’t hear me out.

His name is Dick. How does any of this come as a surprise to you?

Also, why did you say you can’t live without him? Does he cash your cheques?

In its everyday application, finding a balance is really key. Not too happy, not too sad and/or unbearable. Because you don’t want to be that guy that’s constantly downing everyone’s mood. Back in School, there was a boy I nicknamed DOOM. You know a nickname is apt when everyone goes along with it.

We’re in Maths class, petrified at the thought that we hadn’t done an assignment. As soon as the teacher steps out of the class. DOOM goes, “When he comes back, he’s going to ask about the assignment and we’re all going to be in Soup”. We all collectively scream ‘Shut up’ at him, to which he retorts, “just watch”.

Like clockwork, the teacher comes back into the class and asks about the assignment.

Squeaky bum time!

Needless to say, we saw his ‘red eye’. It was very red and DOOM wasn’t making things any better.

Now make no mistake, I like a miracle. Be it in a religious gathering or a football pitch, a miracle is mostly always welcome. I just know that it’s not just me thinking, someday our luck is going to run out. A pessimist and an optimist walk into a bar.

P: Why aren’t you making plans for the future?

O: Don’t worry about tomorrow, cause tomorrow is going to worry about itself

Yeah, about that. Not to sound prophetic or anything, but I’ve seen tomorrow and it involves you being a nuisance to yourself and everyone around you. Can I at least teach you how to fish instead? Not for your sake. Mostly mine, I must admit. Feel free to call me sell-fish.

For better, for worse. On the one hand, I like to think that getting hitched would 100% be a piece of cake for me. You can’t knock off my wealth of experience in the relationship department. Deep down, I’m convinced she’d have one bad habit that I wouldn’t be able to see coming. You know, like waking up at 2 am to eat foods that are heavy in starch.

I know the marriage vows said forever. Is there any particular reason you’re trying to run off early?

Good versus Evil. The eternal debate. Who else roots for the evil character in movies? Especially the horror ones. Mostly because I think the victims deserve it. Walk me through this. You heard a noise in the middle of the night. It’s coming from the basement. And you went to check it out? What happened to wait till morning and packing out of the haunted house like a normal person? Ghosts don’t play!

In the end, both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute. When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, ‘Cheer up, things could be worse.’ And sure enough, they get worse. In all, I have learned to waltz through life with high expectations of myself and little or none of everyone else. We are all in the gutter…

but some of us are looking at the stars.

© Gottfried. All rights reserve