The Pessimistic Optimist

~ Gottfried

After engaging in several internal battles with myself, I have decided to lead the life of a Pessimistic Optimist. For context, a pessimistic optimist(me) is a pessimistic person and at the same time hopeful. If you lead this lifestyle, bad outcomes will be expected, but if it’s good, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and enjoy them. This isn’t the same for the realist, to whom events in life seem transparent because they (realists) can predict the outcome of various situations.

Am I the only one that has a weird feeling when too much happy shit is going on? You ever meet someone so optimistic, it’s almost annoying? Why are you so cheerful? Prancing around like you just won the damn lottery! Who told you everything is going to be okay? Also, forgive me for worrying about your mental health, but what could be your reason for singing at the top of your voice in the middle of the night?

It’s worse when a friend is going through a heartbreak and you have to pretend to feel sorry for them. Serves them right for trying to find happiness plus it’s not like you didn’t see it coming.

Honey, I knew damn well the day you started to talk to him that it would end in ‘hot premium tears’ but you wouldn’t hear me out.

His name is Dick. How does any of this come as a surprise to you?

Also, why did you say you can’t live without him? Does he cash your cheques?

In its everyday application, finding a balance is really key. Not too happy, not too sad and/or unbearable. Because you don’t want to be that guy that’s constantly downing everyone’s mood. Back in School, there was a boy I nicknamed DOOM. You know a nickname is apt when everyone goes along with it.

We’re in Maths class, petrified at the thought that we hadn’t done an assignment. As soon as the teacher steps out of the class. DOOM goes, “When he comes back, he’s going to ask about the assignment and we’re all going to be in Soup”. We all collectively scream ‘Shut up’ at him, to which he retorts, “just watch”.

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Like clockwork, the teacher comes back into the class and asks about the assignment.

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Squeaky bum time!

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Needless to say, we saw his ‘red eye’. It was very red and DOOM wasn’t making things any better.

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Now make no mistake, I like a miracle. Be it in a religious gathering or a football pitch, a miracle is mostly always welcome. I just know that it’s not just me thinking, someday our luck is going to run out. A pessimist and an optimist walk into a bar.

P: Why aren’t you making plans for the future?

O: Don’t worry about tomorrow, cause tomorrow is going to worry about itself

Yeah, about that. Not to sound prophetic or anything, but I’ve seen tomorrow and it involves you being a nuisance to yourself and everyone around you. Can I at least teach you how to fish instead? Not for your sake. Mostly mine, I must admit. Feel free to call me sell-fish.

For better, for worse. On the one hand, I like to think that getting hitched would 100% be a piece of cake for me. You can’t knock off my wealth of experience in the relationship department. Deep down, I’m convinced she’d have one bad habit that I wouldn’t be able to see coming. You know, like waking up at 2 am to eat foods that are heavy in starch.

I know the marriage vows said forever. Is there any particular reason you’re trying to run off early?

Good versus Evil. The eternal debate. Who else roots for the evil character in movies? Especially the horror ones. Mostly because I think the victims deserve it. Walk me through this. You heard a noise in the middle of the night. It’s coming from the basement. And you went to check it out? What happened to wait till morning and packing out of the haunted house like a normal person? Ghosts don’t play!

In the end, both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute. When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, ‘Cheer up, things could be worse.’ And sure enough, they get worse. In all, I have learned to waltz through life with high expectations of myself and little or none of everyone else. We are all in the gutter…

but some of us are looking at the stars.

© Gottfried. All rights reserve

260 thoughts on “The Pessimistic Optimist”

  2. One of my mantras- Expect the best; prepare for the worst. Nothing ever takes you unawares. It could disappoint you… Yeah… But it’d barely ever completely shatter you. I’m a serious optimist by the way! Not sure I’d consider myself a pessimistic optimist… Just a prepared optimist… At the end of the day, all things work in my favour- Good, bad and ugly.😁

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  3. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, I really can’t stop laughing but regardless, I’m just not packing my bags from the realist’s association, I mean I just joined the realist association not too long, let me enjoy the association dues I paid small before trying to be pessimistic. Btw, I’m here trying to figure how you put those thoughts together 🤔. And to before warn is to before harm, it’s better to remain silent at some some relationship breakups scene. I know you knew it was going to end in tears from the start, but you don’t have to remind us and then that the tears was premium 🙄😯.

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      1. 🤣🤣🤣🤣. If you lock up when you see premium tears loading, remember what God said about the watchman that failed to inform the villagers of the incoming danger 🤔🤔, I won’t say much , I put breakfast for fire 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️🤣

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        1. Hahaha, abeg make the breakfast wey you dey plan chop during lunchtime no spoil.

          I am not the weeping prophet. If you see say your partner dey show signs, no use say red na your favorite color ignore red flags 😂😂😂

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      1. I think we are going to have to come out…(1) because we are social creatures by nature, (2) if economies are to function, they need people to run them, (3) people without money are people without shelter/food/medicine/basic necessities, therefore, dangerous and (4) this so-called pandemic is nowhere near the Spanish Flu or even the Black Death. I don’t know where you are but, protests have already started in the state of Ohio and my state of NC. People aren’t going to sit by, cower and watch the elite run things into the ground for much longer.

        I suspect the “hold-up” is because they desperately want a vaccine…not that they care whether we live or die (if the bug doesn’t kill, the vaccine probably will) but, it will give them a method of tracking us…”You don’t have antibodies? WELL, you can’t go out in public until you are VACCINATED!” There will be pushback on that.

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        1. Right! I got called names for saying that the Pandemic is in no way comparable with what the world has been through. I understand the panic, but it wouldn’t be the one to usher in the end of humanity.

          haha, you believe some people in glass houses somewhere want to track minions like me and you? To what end? What do they hope to achieve?

          P.S. Doesn’t the government already do this?

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          1. The Chinese are already doing it with social behavior scores. If your score is too low (you aren’t behaving like you should), you can’t fly, you can’t take a train…you lose “life” privileges. They believe we are nothing more than cattle…useless eaters. They want most of us dead, actually and the ones that can survive, well, behave yourself and do as you are told. Read the Georgia Guidestones, erected in 1979 (as I recall).

            They can track our locations if one has a cell phone. They have the ability to listen to our conversations (if you are stupid enough to get an Alexa or Siri or a smart TV). There are facial recognition cameras in all the big cities and license plate cameras. They can “watch” us and “listen” to us but, augment behavior? That is a little more difficult but, that is the intent. They will do what they can with fear. When that ceases to be effective, it will be intimidation and violence.

            End game? Dems dat runs da world want to rule it without all the rest of us in the way. Keep a few for the manual labor (think slave) and kill the rest. That is the general idea.

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          2. This sounds horrifying and intriguing at the same time. One half of me genuinely wants to see how this plays out.

            As for the Chinese, they operate a socialist system so it’s pretty difficult to lay accusations at a faceless government.

            They might have a plan, as much as I’d like to take you seriously, I really don’t think it’s what you’ve said. Time will tell

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