Why Are You Running

Any idiot can run, it takes a special kind of idiot to run a marathon. Philosophers say that life is like a race, you keep running. I like to think of those guys as armchair experts. What is life? A race or a marathon? I think that a good laugh and a good run, are the two best cures for anything. So if you’re out of shape and you don’t necessarily have the discipline to run, just pass by the mirror and laugh at your shapelessness. Amoeba

Life is a race against time, not everyone can run a long time. Some have many years left, some may have minutes, but the point is running as fast as you can before your time runs out. I don’t run to add days to my life, I run to add life to my days. Sounds like some major crap right? These fitness enthusiasts will not be the death of me. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Some people have the uncanny ability of running away from their problems and responsibilities. They say only the wicked runs without being pursued. I think that’s a false premise. Where I’m from, if you see a group of people running in your direction, your best bet is to take to your heels too.  You never know that that split-second decision could be the difference between not getting and getting beat by a masquerade.

I run because punching people is frowned upon. Also because life is short and running makes it feel longer. Nothing like the wind hitting your face as you go through the gears. This one time I was running a marathon, I noticed I was the only one really trying to get to the end, so I gave up too. Somehow, incredibly, I got awarded a medal for coming second. I didn’t even finish! Apparently only one guy finished and he strolled to the finish line. Wisdom

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.  Joggers are usually so cocky. How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!

I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly. It’s unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him. The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

On the whole, we can’t all be heroes. Because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as the real runners go by. Running won’t solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework. You know you need to run when you have either gotten hit or almost gotten hit by a car multiple times. Jogging is very beneficial. It’s very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed. Just know that if you’re running with me, be prepared to walk.

Why are you running?

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