Coping With The Side Effects

~ Gottfried

A side effect. A usually undesirable effect. Are all side effects bad? Maybe not, but they do increase your risk of exposure. Side effects can happen at any time, without warning. One minute you’re making up your mind to judiciously follow your diet, the next minute you’re eating leftover cake with a fine glass of wine. How do you cope with side effects? Honest answer? Denial baby! No seriously, seek help!

Trusting. Trusting is fine, trusting too much is where you start to have problems. A friend pressed me for my copy of an assignment that was due that day. After a lot of pleading, I gave it to him and granted him leeway to ‘dub’ some parts. The problem isn’t that he copied my work verbatim. It’s that the course rep called me a few hours later to tell me that he’d submitted the entire assignments to the lecturer and he was positive he didn’t see my own among the lot.

Gottfried: Did you submit my assignment?

Miscreant: What assignment?

Gottfried: You’re joking, right?

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Joking around. For the longest, every time my cell phone rang, I would pick it up and say, “what’s up”. After a while, I upgraded my opening line to, “Speak”. Anyway, this one time I had just finished speaking to “one of my guys”. As I put down the call, almost immediately the phone started ringing again. Without looking at the caller, I picked up my cell and went, “Bastard, how far”. I didn’t hear a sound from the other end. After a long pause, I heard, “Gottfried, it’s me, your father”. 💀

Playing loud music. If you have your ears plugged, you’re a 100% always going to be hearing voices. Apparently, prolonged exposure to loud noise, alters how the brain processes speech, potentially increasing the difficulty in distinguishing speech sound. It probably explains why I can’t hear a word of what my dad says. And no, I’m not deliberately ignoring him. To effectively cope with this, ditch your headphones and purchase a speaker. Now everyone can’t hear a thing!

Medication. Have you ever taken one of those drugs that make you lose taste? And you’re sitting there like, I could have just suffered this cold and preserved my taste buds. I once took a drug that made me lose taste. Imagine eating chicken and it tastes like unleavened bread. How bad could it possibly get? If you’ve used calamine lotion, then you know what battling with an itch is all about. Why are there never any good side effects of drugs? Just once I’d like to see a drug commercial that says “May cause extreme awesomeness”.

Keeping fit. During my one year as a teacher in a girl’s secondary school. I tasked myself to teach the girls how to play football. “Lesson number one, you need to be fit to play football”, I said. After taking time through a few drills, I decided it was time they hit the pitch. So we formed two teams. 20 girls on one side, myself and five other male teachers on the other. In hindsight, it was a bit cocky of me. As I attempted to make a run down the flank, I was tackled by not one but two girls. As I sat there on the ground, out of breath and thinking about my life. One of them walks up to me and goes, “Mr. Gottfried, you look tired!”. To which I responded, “no honey, I’m dying, get help!”

Remote office. Having a commute home from work allows you to mentally detach from the stressors that your job may cause you. When you work from home, that transition is no longer there, and the line between work life and home life becomes blurred. So if you’re going to run a home office. Wake up early, have a shower, drive around your neighborhood for 30 minutes(for no reason). Head home and get to work. Extra points if you can find a passerby to scream at or knockdown.

Late-night buffet. Eating late at night can lead to several health hazards like an increase in blood sugar levels, heart diseases, obesity, and acidity. You know, the good stuff. Basically, the later you eat, the less your body is prepared to sleep, which can also have adverse effects on your memory and efficiency for the next day. Of course, it makes sense now, if you’re trying to get over your ex, by all means, eat late at night.

Falling in love. To my first love. My breath ain’t right since you took it. I look into a cup of tea and I see your face in it. If you could drink something to permanently forget someone, would you take it? That bad! Heartbreak will have you crying to yourself in the bathroom at 2am. Rating 1/10, would not recommend. Why am I watching soccer and I see a player that looks exactly like you? People say falling in love is a trap. It’s not a trap.

It’s THE TRAP 

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

494 thoughts on “Coping With The Side Effects”

  1. On joking around,
    While in NYSC camp I was gisting with my roomies late night, unfortunately a voice spoke” you don’t want to sleep right” Me still thinking it was a gee, replied, “ why should I sleep, who are you to tell me sleep guyyyyy” only to find out it was Camp Commandant
    Glory be to God for the rest

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  3. When I was in college, I was taking both French and Greek. I used to take notes in French and Greek so I could get a better handle on the languages.

    When someone asked to borrow my notes, I’d tell them, “You won’t understand them.”
    They’d get a little huffy and say, “Just give them to me.”
    The next day, when they returned my notebook, they’d say, “I really can’t understand your notes.”
    They never bothered me again.

    How well do I speak French and Greek now? Not at all. Collage was a bit ago.

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  4. For a while, my brother has been saying how what I always listen to (movies/music) is usually loud, I’ve been ignoring him. Now these days I hardly hear what he’s saying or anyone else, I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re not speaking loud enough and it’s definitely not from my side

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  5. Side effects include:
    Forgetful friends
    Embarrassment
    Hearing loss
    Losing sense of taste
    Students becoming the master
    Driving in circles
    Decreased digestive function
    and Death

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  9. Well well what do do we have here. Hahah side effect of Mr Trafalgar square. Could not agree more on love. Well love is blind and you never know when u will fall in it

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