Coping With The Side Effects

~ Gottfried

A side effect. A usually undesirable effect. Are all side effects bad? Maybe not, but they do increase your risk of exposure. Side effects can happen at any time, without warning. One minute you’re making up your mind to judiciously follow your diet, the next minute you’re eating leftover cake with a fine glass of wine. How do you cope with side effects? Honest answer? Denial baby! No seriously, seek help!

Trusting. Trusting is fine, trusting too much is where you start to have problems. A friend pressed me for my copy of an assignment that was due that day. After a lot of pleading, I gave it to him and granted him leeway to ‘dub’ some parts. The problem isn’t that he copied my work verbatim. It’s that the course rep called me a few hours later to tell me that he’d submitted the entire assignments to the lecturer and he was positive he didn’t see my own among the lot.

Gottfried: Did you submit my assignment?

Miscreant: What assignment?

Gottfried: You’re joking, right?

IMG_3969

Joking around. For the longest, every time my cell phone rang, I would pick it up and say, “what’s up”. After a while, I upgraded my opening line to, “Speak”. Anyway, this one time I had just finished speaking to “one of my guys”. As I put down the call, almost immediately the phone started ringing again. Without looking at the caller, I picked up my cell and went, “Bastard, how far”. I didn’t hear a sound from the other end. After a long pause, I heard, “Gottfried, it’s me, your father”. 💀

Playing loud music. If you have your ears plugged, you’re a 100% always going to be hearing voices. Apparently, prolonged exposure to loud noise, alters how the brain processes speech, potentially increasing the difficulty in distinguishing speech sound. It probably explains why I can’t hear a word of what my dad says. And no, I’m not deliberately ignoring him. To effectively cope with this, ditch your headphones and purchase a speaker. Now everyone can’t hear a thing!

Medication. Have you ever taken one of those drugs that make you lose taste? And you’re sitting there like, I could have just suffered this cold and preserved my taste buds. I once took a drug that made me lose taste. Imagine eating chicken and it tastes like unleavened bread. How bad could it possibly get? If you’ve used calamine lotion, then you know what battling with an itch is all about. Why are there never any good side effects of drugs? Just once I’d like to see a drug commercial that says “May cause extreme awesomeness”.

Keeping fit. During my one year as a teacher in a girl’s secondary school. I tasked myself to teach the girls how to play football. “Lesson number one, you need to be fit to play football”, I said. After taking time through a few drills, I decided it was time they hit the pitch. So we formed two teams. 20 girls on one side, myself and five other male teachers on the other. In hindsight, it was a bit cocky of me. As I attempted to make a run down the flank, I was tackled by not one but two girls. As I sat there on the ground, out of breath and thinking about my life. One of them walks up to me and goes, “Mr. Gottfried, you look tired!”. To which I responded, “no honey, I’m dying, get help!”

Remote office. Having a commute home from work allows you to mentally detach from the stressors that your job may cause you. When you work from home, that transition is no longer there, and the line between work life and home life becomes blurred. So if you’re going to run a home office. Wake up early, have a shower, drive around your neighborhood for 30 minutes(for no reason). Head home and get to work. Extra points if you can find a passerby to scream at or knockdown.

Late-night buffet. Eating late at night can lead to several health hazards like an increase in blood sugar levels, heart diseases, obesity, and acidity. You know, the good stuff. Basically, the later you eat, the less your body is prepared to sleep, which can also have adverse effects on your memory and efficiency for the next day. Of course, it makes sense now, if you’re trying to get over your ex, by all means, eat late at night.

Falling in love. To my first love. My breath ain’t right since you took it. I look into a cup of tea and I see your face in it. If you could drink something to permanently forget someone, would you take it? That bad! Heartbreak will have you crying to yourself in the bathroom at 2am. Rating 1/10, would not recommend. Why am I watching soccer and I see a player that looks exactly like you? People say falling in love is a trap. It’s not a trap.

It’s THE TRAP 

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

494 thoughts on “Coping With The Side Effects”

  1. I hope you’re still settling the phone call matter with your dad? Because I don’t expect it to end soonest.

    Then for the football you played with the girls, I think you must be an Arsenal fan cos that’s their way, they talk, when it comes to the game, they’ll become “Amaka”. Nice one though.

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

    2. I sincerely can’t fathom why I would want to get well from an illness and then I’d add more to it in the process.
      There was this drug I was to take one time and it was stated that the side effects included diarrhea alongside others. Like why? I want to get well not add to my predicament!
      I’m not even going to whine over how these drugs smells and tastes aweful. How hard can it be to make them smell good and taste nice?😭 I need to speak to NAFDAC.

      I couldn’t help but laugh through the trusting part and virtually others. It’s hard to even trust the air we breathe these days.

      Altogether, the piece was a nice one.👍

      Liked by 4 people

      Reply

      1. Diarrhea???????? How’s that a side effect? Matter of fact, that is a WHOLE EFFECT on it’s own.

        Man the air we breathe is polluted, can’t trust the government either 😂

        Thank you, thank you! Gift 🙃

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  2. Lol, I never thought many of those as side-effects ever. I related them always only to allergies and medication. Good stuff.

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply

  5. I agree with the less use of earpiece because it had earned me an effectual straight from the oven slap from mama…

    But the speaker annoyance that develops [especially when you’re in dare need of rest…] when you’re in the base of joyous or partying men [hostel] is 😡💣

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

  9. “How does he come up with these things” I ask myself. But then I remember that he is bad like that – Side effect of joking around.

    When malaria hits you hard, the aroma of your favorite meal becomes bland and makes you retch. But you have to eat to avoid a side effect that led to another side effect 😅.

    Awesome piece

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply

  10. Who begged u to task yourself football coach.
    That’s how people will begin community service they can not sustain…

    Ooin… You dying…that’s the side effect!

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply

Leave a reply to Gottfried Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.