Why You Shouldn’t Have Kids

Global warming. If you’re still trying to have a child at this point, you’re rooting for human extinction. We’re in a pandemic, don’t create another pandemic. If you hate doing laundry, that’s a clear sign you shouldn’t be considering it. Why would laundry exceed more than one load per week? Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you like your brief features? Think again, my friend. You might just be setting your kid up to be bullied.

You like to have money. Are you trying to make the wife lose her job? It spells less income for the family and an extra mouth to feed. Even as an armchair economist, you know this is a terrible idea. Heck, if you like your job, there’s no real reason to be giving it up. The task of shaping another human being should be left to the professionals. Did you turn out great? Where is the notion that you can raise a whole other human to turn great coming from?

You value your friends. Married couples with kids can count their friends on one hand. Friendships inevitably change after the birth of a child, most times for the worse. Once you have a kid, the chances of having friends around your house reduce by a country mile. Furthermore, if you enjoy spontaneous outings with friends, having a kid eliminates that possibility. Nobody is trying to come over to watch ‘Finding Dory’ with you, when the game is on!

A strain on your relationship. Marriages tend to suffer after the birth of a child. Whatever happened to getting to know your spouse first? Enjoy traveling to all the major cities. Because if/when a kid comes around, that’s the end of all the fun. You spend the rest of your youthful days working and sacrificing for them. If you would like things to stay exactly the way they are with your partner, don’t do it! Travelling with kids would have you questioning why you imagined it was a good idea at all.

Kids are whiny and needy. Not only are kids very needy and demanding, but they’re also not eligible to work according to labor laws. So not only do you have an extra mouth to feed, but it is also unemployed, adding insult to the pre-existing injury. If you like to eat meals sitting down, with real cutlery. It’s really not for you. They start with a spoon, and finish with their fingers! Also, if you like exercising aggressively, away from the view of everyone else, don’t have kids! The irony in this!

You like to sleep. If you enjoy taking power naps without worrying about some crack head falling off the balcony, then think again. Personally, I don’t think kids are for everyone. I’ve met some of you, who will fall dead asleep with zero awareness. Entrusting the care of a whole other human to you spells chaos. Plus your patience runs thin with adults, what’s stopping you from throwing the whole kid away? Kids say ‘no’ for fun, and they walk around like they own the place.

For fear of regret? Many people have kids because they “don’t want to regret not having them” or because others threaten they will. There is also the illusion that others are experiencing more pleasure, success, or fulfillment in their lives. Deep down, they secretly wish they were you. Free of responsibilities. You won’t regret having done things much more than regret things you’ve done. I’ve never shat myself under pressure. Any regrets? Nope!

I know there will be some moms and dads who would vehemently dispute the genius in what I have penned down. Don’t listen to them! “Oh Kids are adorable, they’re the sweetest”. All lies! Matter of fact, they’ve been trapped and are suffering Stockholm Syndrome. So the next time a video is making rounds on your social of an adorable looking assassin. Unlook, mute, and block all the individuals responsible for it. What is a home without children?


© Gottfried. All rights reserved

666 thoughts on “Why You Shouldn’t Have Kids

  1. haha i really liked when you wrote, we’re in apandmic dont create another Pandemic….. haha does that mean having kids at this time s a pandemic hahah here in my counrty Tanzania many young school girls got pregnant during this corona season

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Imma tell you what though there are plenty times I’ve told my two that I would take them out…even told them I’d get away with it cuz I watch First 48…there’s that lol my daughter acts like she is my broke best friend always wanting something and my son that 21 year old is a mess. Let us pray for all the parents that love em enough to not take them out…and yes I hate doing laundry! Well they do their own now but whatever. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I got a Tshirt for them kids….They tried it!

        But let’s talk about that laundry. 😂 I can put the laundry in the machine, but um, can I get someone to fold the clothes, please? Like I just need that like I need sugar with my kool aid.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I scrolled though the post and ended up a little sick to my stomach. If your parents had stopped having kids like you suggest, you wouldn’t be here. If you don’t have kids, (which after reading the comments which didn’t even make sense, I think might be a good idea for those writing them) there won’t be anyone to care about you when you are old and grey and lonely. If you think your cat or dog will take care of you, lots of luck. Also, if you plan on government to do the job, where will the caretakers come from if people stop having kids?

    Yes, kids are hard work and costly, but also cause you to experience love like you would never expect. They and their children provide purpose, joy, warmth, and fun like you can’t imagine. And your “tribe” increases so family gatherings are a source of great delight. Miss it at your peril.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, my problems would have stopped with my not being born in the first place going by your analogy.

      Having them to take care of you when you’re old and grey seems a little selfish, don’t you think?

      If you worked smart enough, you may not need to rely on the government (nobody really does these days) for help.

      Not everyone likes having large crowds in their space. Some of us were born to become hermits.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Most people of the past understood the pact of generations, “I had you, raised you, protected you; you will do the same for me when I need help.” The love that was given tends to be repaid. Again, you never seem to think of when you will be either sick or old and infirm.

        Save your money, but if everyone took your advice, you won’t have enough be able to hire people to help you, the young will be in scant supply. If you ended up really rich and can hire those few who are young are willing to take your money but abuse you instead, no one will care.

        All your like-minded friends will be in the same boat and will be too old or dead to lend a hand. I am old now and am watching the scenario play out in my peer group. You have no idea of what is ahead for you.

        The selfish eventually get their just reward.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Obviously, everyone isn’t going to take my advice. Here you are preaching a contrary sermon to that regard.

        I dunno if kids are the answer to being old.

        I like how you justified your selfishness in the end though.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, kids who grow up to be honorable, hard-working people who also raise great young people are the sweet reward for parenting. You refuse go understand the obvious. Too bad for you & your clueless ilk. I’ve wasted too much time on this exchange.

    Liked by 1 person

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