Why You Shouldn’t Have Kids

~ Gottfried

Global warming. If you’re still trying to have a child at this point, you’re rooting for human extinction. We’re in a pandemic, don’t create another pandemic. If you hate doing laundry, that’s a clear sign you shouldn’t be considering it. Why would laundry exceed more than one load per week? Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see? Do you like your brief features? Think again, my friend. You might just be setting your kid up to be bullied.

You like to have money. Are you trying to make the wife lose her job? It spells less income for the family and an extra mouth to feed. Even as an armchair economist, you know this is a terrible idea. Heck, if you like your job, there’s no real reason to be giving it up. The task of shaping another human being should be left to the professionals. Did you turn out great? Where is the notion that you can raise a whole other human to turn great coming from?

You value your friends. Married couples with kids can count their friends on one hand. Friendships inevitably change after the birth of a child, most times for the worse. Once you have a kid, the chances of having friends around your house reduce by a country mile. Furthermore, if you enjoy spontaneous outings with friends, having a kid eliminates that possibility. Nobody is trying to come over to watch ‘Finding Dory’ with you, when the game is on!

A strain on your relationship. Marriages tend to suffer after the birth of a child. Whatever happened to getting to know your spouse first? Enjoy traveling to all the major cities. Because if/when a kid comes around, that’s the end of all the fun. You spend the rest of your youthful days working and sacrificing for them. If you would like things to stay exactly the way they are with your partner, don’t do it! Travelling with kids would have you questioning why you imagined it was a good idea at all.

Kids are whiny and needy. Not only are kids very needy and demanding, but they’re also not eligible to work according to labor laws. So not only do you have an extra mouth to feed, but it is also unemployed, adding insult to the pre-existing injury. If you like to eat meals sitting down, with real cutlery. It’s really not for you. They start with a spoon, and finish with their fingers! Also, if you like exercising aggressively, away from the view of everyone else, don’t have kids! The irony in this!

You like to sleep. If you enjoy taking power naps without worrying about some crack head falling off the balcony, then think again. Personally, I don’t think kids are for everyone. I’ve met some of you, who will fall dead asleep with zero awareness. Entrusting the care of a whole other human to you spells chaos. Plus your patience runs thin with adults, what’s stopping you from throwing the whole kid away? Kids say ‘no’ for fun, and they walk around like they own the place.

For fear of regret? Many people have kids because they “don’t want to regret not having them” or because others threaten they will. There is also the illusion that others are experiencing more pleasure, success, or fulfillment in their lives. Deep down, they secretly wish they were you. Free of responsibilities. You won’t regret having done things much more than regret things you’ve done. I’ve never shat myself under pressure. Any regrets? Nope!

I know there will be some moms and dads who would vehemently dispute the genius in what I have penned down. Don’t listen to them! “Oh Kids are adorable, they’re the sweetest”. All lies! Matter of fact, they’ve been trapped and are suffering Stockholm Syndrome. So the next time a video is making rounds on your social of an adorable looking assassin. Unlook, mute, and block all the individuals responsible for it. What is a home without children?

Quiet

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

754 thoughts on “Why You Shouldn’t Have Kids”

          1. You’re genius😵😵😵😵😵😵😵

            No. Not at all. I’m so pathetic about them that I know I’ll care more about them than my next breath 😅💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Haha, no real genius involved. I just know that whenever I see a kid, I know it’s the ladies idea 😀😀

            See, this is how you end up dead or worse. Your next breath? They’ll take it from you! 😀💀

            Liked by 2 people

          3. Ah we have a real soft spot for them😅
            They’re so cute and wittle!!! Makes me all fuzzy 😻😻

            Haha…they sure are little devils😄
            Slowly and steadily they wrap you around their cute little fingers and then you’re damned forever 😵😵😱

            But you gotta love em’ regardless 😄

            Liked by 1 person

          3. They did.
            Don’t underestimate the power of a smiley😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Since my kid had twins, 20 month old boys, I am going to be taking care of them now while she and her husband work. The twins run in opposite directions in an uncoordinated fashion, fast! They climb ridiculous things and fall very badly, usually face first on rocks and such. I am constantly saying, “danger, danger!” They are constantly ignoring me. And crying when they fall, hard. Kids shouldn’t have kids 😉 Actually, of course they, like all kids, are the best of all of us. And I love them over to the moon and into every other galaxy. That’s what kids are. Terribly scary and the best of everything.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

    1. ‘Opposite directions in an uncoordinated fashion’ sounds like a nightmarish tale 😁😁😁

      I’m positive I’ll eventually get to love those little assassin’s with all that is within me. For now, let’s pretend to be well educated on the subject 😁

      Love to you and all the kids 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. I will have kids and send them to you gotfried🤣. I Stan this, I’ve been saying this for quite sometime now, I’m gonna enjoy my wife to the fullest before allowing a mini me spoiler that will come and own my wife’s breast😭, and also decide when we have sex.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

          1. Dur bir şiir yazayım buna🤣🤣🤣

            Sevgilim valarus
            Şeytanın laneti olsun yüzünde
            Sana söyledim, aletine bir elbise giydir🤣
            Bu kadar çocuk oradan geldi
            Sevgilim ben niye hissetmedim
            Senin aletini keseceğim. Hahhhhhaaaaaa🤣🤣🤣🤣

            Liked by 2 people

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