Thank Me

~ Gottfried

A lot of times, we fail to give ourselves a pat on the back. That changes beginning now. I have been singlehandedly carrying a lot of my relationships on my back. The least you could do is offer some form of appreciation. When you’re hungry, who do you run to? Me! You were naked, I clothed you. You were depressed, I made you laugh. I gave your life meaning! It’s about time you gave me my flowers while I can smell them. Humans are ungrateful. Nobody ever thanked me for having the patience not to kill them.

I love myself. I’m proud to say that. Perfection is not something I can achieve. I embrace my flaws and weaknesses and love my emotions. Even when I feel too much. I don’t regret making the decisions I’ve made and I definitely don’t regret loving who I’ve loved. I know I am a handful, but that’s why you have two hands. Loving someone is a beautiful thing that should be cherished, and I have. To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

I’m the best thing since sliced bread. There is a reason why things happen the way they do and, granted, I don’t always believe that, but I stick with that. I believe in hope and fate and that the universe has a plan for me. I love the way I think and I’m proud of who I am. So I’m thanking myself for loving myself. You should too! I mean love me too! It’s no wonder that those who do love me, love me unconditionally. And if you don’t already, it’s time to let go of the hate and see clearly.

Don’t thank me for being nice to you. Thank the Doctor that prescribed the meds that keep me from beating the living daylight out of you. Don’t thank me for everything I have done for you, because I can’t do the same. Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure. Don’t thank the lord I gave you a compliment. Thank me. And above all, for those of you that have benefitted from the services I render. Don’t thank me, pay me!

I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I wanna thank me for having no days off. I wanna thank me for never quitting. I wanna thank me for always been a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more right than wrong. I want to thank me for just being me at all times. There are many times that I made you angry, upset, irritated, and tired. Today, I’m glad to announce that I have renewed your subscription.

Thank me for adding meaning to your sorry little life. For elevating your otherwise dull Mondays to become a day you look forward to.  For tickling your brains with my dark humor. For creating characters and scenarios that have left you hoodwinked, bamboozled, run amok, and flat out deceived. It takes talent, and consistency to churn out the greatness that is this blog. For this, you should be eternally grateful and grovel at my feet.

And though I’m the main addressee. The point that I must emphasize is, you won’t get a sniff without me! Meticulous planning, tenacity spanning, is simply why I’ll be king undisputed. Respected, saluted, and seen for the wonder I am. Now before you judge me, bear in mind that you’re a piece of shit too. And that’s why you love me. Love me and I’ll move mountains to make you happy. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head.

Happy 100th post, you inglorious bastard!

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

528 thoughts on “Thank Me”

    1. I always knew we were meant to be together.

      P.S. I hope it’s to the Swiss account. I don’t want the FBI snooping around my house when the wire transfer comes through 😁

      Love you too ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

          3. this conversation worries me. i’m having a hard time understanding which of y’all is the bad influence here.
            lol!

            Liked by 2 people

      1. Well … Thank you😂. For a second I thought… some one seems very demanding today…😅😂. Good for you! Keep writing. Your posts are super entertaining. Love 💗from Angel. God bless.

        Liked by 4 people

        Reply

  8. 😂😂😂
    okay first of all i am literally paying with my holy presence, Mr. G.
    and second of all, happy 100th post!
    ❤
    love always,
    [gotw}

    Liked by 9 people

    Reply

          7. Thanks for instating me as chief commanding officer… Operations shall commence tomorrow
            You may now be relieved of your duties.

            Liked by 4 people

          9. ‘aight i’m a wee bit possessive of my soldier so you can be monarch or whatever and me and dr. universe can be the commanders in chief and our power is second ONLY to yours.

            Liked by 2 people

          27. oh, that’s nice.
            matter of fact, i am ready. however, if i die before i finish high school i’m gonna be real pissed because ALL THOSE HOURS STUDYING AND I DON’T EVEN GET TO GRADUATE??!!!

            Liked by 1 person

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