Leaving

~ Gottfried

A great way to learn about your country is to leave it. As soon as you get out of the shores of your country, your patriotism will start kicking in. You soon realize you really shouldn’t have spent an ungodly amount of time defending this shit hole. I prefer to stay in my country. But if someone does want to leave, I think they’ve done nothing wrong. The desire to leave is completely understandable. I personally think this country is designed to kill you.

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. You never know how expensive food is till you move out of your parent’s house. Suddenly adulting doesn’t seem fun anymore. It’s funny leaving a place, you don’t know when you’ll get back. If you ever get back. Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods, and you’re lost, and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path. Waking up is the easy part. Leaving the bed is the real challenge. I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own, leaving them now might create trust issues.

Leaving a hangout. If you’re ever going to plan a hangout session, ensure that you’ve got the right mix of people. Don’t mix boisterous people with quiet people. Hangouts are worse if you’re uptight. With the boys around, you’re going to catch all the smoke. Don’t talk about yourself, they’ll do that after you leave. Crazy thing is, I can meet a group of people. And just as we’re exchanging pleasantries, I can spot who already hates me. It’s a gift. So I leave them and focus my energy on those who love me. Me.

You’re fired! Well, congratulations on quitting your job without being escorted out of the building. My co-worker leaving the office the other day and had the nerve to ask me what I’d miss about her. Well, I’m definitely going to really miss doing all the work for you missy! Good luck finding better co-workers than us. We all have that ex-co-worker that constantly attracts amazing job opportunities. Like who keeps hiring this crackhead? Don’t they have interviews?

Go get your slippers. An agelong scam used by parents who have no regard for their kids’ mental health. This is the earliest form of betrayal known to man and woman. That kid grows up experiencing withdrawal symptoms. And when they become full-blown psychos, remember that it was you who started it. At church parents say “we’re leaving!” then they end up socializing for another three hours. Then have the nerve to hop into the car and complain about being delayed.

My girlfriend isn’t allowed into the gym. What is she trying to do? Build the strength to leave me? Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body. If it’s butterflies, you’re not in love. You’re just hungry. Words of affirmation so she doesn’t leave. Sweetie, I love you with all my belly. I’d say my heart, but my belly is bigger. Don’t you dare walk out that door!

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory when looking for a girlfriend. If you’re going to make an upgrade, you gotta see the options first. LinkedIn is where the dimes are gents. Quitting your job cause your supervisor won’t let you breathe. If your job is to tell me how to do my job, you should at least know how to do my job. Sometimes the best part of the job is those chair swivels.  If you’re happy and you know it, quit your job.

I’m no good at goodbyes. I simply just ghost. It might seem cruel, but it is necessary for character development. Whoever coined the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is an idiot. My absence makes her go crazy. Eventually the game is up. The soul leaves the body. If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character. Would you slow down?

Or speed up?

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

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