The Mirage Of Time Management

Tomorrow. Let me tell you about tomorrow. Tomorrow is a mythical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation, and achievement is stored. But I gotta shake this mentality off. I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow! The bad news is that time flies. The relatively good news is that you’re the unlicensed Pilot. If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you’re going to be cockeyed today. Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Work. Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.  I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. The problem with opportunity is that it always comes disguised as hard work. Sometimes it’s like there’s a notice in my head that reads, “due to the current workload, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off till further notice”. Tell you what my dream job is? In my dreams, I don’t work. My life right now is like that Rihanna song…work work work work then I don’t understand the rest. I need to take time off to live.

Deadlines. I love deadlines. There’s something therapeutic about the whooshing sound they make as they pass. Nothing makes me want to cook, clean, fold laundry, daydream, or nap like having a writing deadline. If not for deadlines, nothing would get done. That’s why I’m an advocate for smart work.  Because even if you’re on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. A deadline is a negative inspiration. Still, it’s better than no inspiration at all. According to studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right?

Fireman. In another life, I’d be a fireman. Not to put out actual fires but the figurative ones in my life. One minute I’ve successfully mended a relationship with one person, the next minute a brand new relationship is getting ruined. Almost like you can’t please everyone at once. So you annoy them at regular intervals. People compliment me all the time about my time management skills. They’re impressed by how much I get done at the last minute. The adrenaline rush of cramming FIFTEEN handouts a few hours before the exam is unmatched.

Dragging on. Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead. Time is non-refundable, use it with intention. I genuinely feel that women get things done more effectively and efficiently than men. They’re called “man-hours” because a woman would have done that shit in under 20 minutes. I’m going to use what little energy I have today to breathe and maybe blink. That’s about it. The days just drag on and on. Today is dragging the dead body of yesterday.

Busy. Say you’re perpetually busy. You’re so busy you’ve somehow incredibly become a couch potato. It’s not your fault, your office asked you to work ‘remotely’.  People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later, to find time for illness.  When you have a task, if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start. On the whole, “too busy” is a myth. People make time for people and things that are really important to them. I mean who else would provide me my daily dose of entertainment? If it weren’t you, my love.

In a hurry? No good comes from hurrying. Some people are incredibly always in a hurry. Why are you wearing the back of your shirt on a Monday morning? Now you’re speeding down the road like a mad man. You gotta drive carefully son. 90% of people are caused by accidents. People are often so busy living that they never stop to wonder why. It only takes one slow-walking person at the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I’m a nice person. Don’t hurry to be in a relationship with a girl, be her friend first. Maybe she has friends more beautiful than her.

The future. My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot. You see, the modern man thinks he loses time when he does not do things quickly. Why are you in such a hurry to get married? Either way, you’re still going bald at 30. If you love someone you should set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. Set them free again. In the end, the modern man does not know what to do with the time he gains, except kill it. No matter how well you try to manage your time, no one on their deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I spent more time at the office’.

use your head

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