Why Women Live Longer

Everywhere in the world women live longer than men. Historically, men started smoking earlier and heavier than women. As a matter of knowledge, any effect of smoking on life expectancy shows in males first. Now, why did man ever feel the need to smoke a cigarette? What, or more appropriately, who was stressing him out that much? Take a wild guess. Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

Healthy feeding habits. Cooking is a survival instinct and some brothers just haven’t got a hang of it. So you don’t like your own cooking. As a consequence of this, on some days you have oxygen and silence for dinner. The lady on the other end of the spectrum with a bowl of vegetables will surely outlive you. It’s not far fetched. Of course, this is bar a few psychos who wake up at 2 am to eat starch and cancel out the good work.

Spending. Every time I spend money, I lose a little blood. We’ve been paying for dates for so long, this shit needs to stop. You pay for her transport to and fro too! Daylight robbery! Chasing women is actually a ridiculous sport. I absolutely do not recommend it. It ends in sorrow and anguish. If you could see the splurge of cash these ladies have in their bank accounts, you will think twice before parting with your hard-earned money. The money they always need urgently.

Daring. You see with men, they always think, “Oh here’s a stupid idea, how can we make it a lot more stupid?”. Because frankly there’s no explanation as to why you’re jumping through a roof on a broom hoping to land safely in the artificial pool you created. Most times, the stupid doesn’t come from one source, it’s the mates egging you on that should ultimately be blamed. The most daring thing women ever do is block you across all social platforms.

Crying. Women cry. A lot. I mean this is the most obvious of the lot. Women will always find a reason to cry. Happy? Cry. Excited? Cry. Sad? Cry. The one that pisses me off is ladies that cry at proposals! Why are you crying? If you don’t dry those eyes and go collect that ring! What’s wrong with you for God’s sake? Did dust particles find their way into your eyes? Ladies, please fix-up. If he proposes to you and it comes as a surprise, I can only assume that you’re most likely blind, or very slow, or both.

Pain. Women have unlocked hidden thresholds to pain. They go through labor and childbirth. It’s almost like they’ve already tasted death. And as a reward, they get to stay at home to take care of the kids. And some women have the nerve to say that being a mom is the most difficult job in the world. To that I say, any job you can do in your pajamas is not a real job. All they do at home is watch their favorite TV shows and send the kids to bed early on some trumped-up charges.

Rocket science. Men are biologically and sociologically at a disadvantage from the time they’re conceived to the time they die. It’s also no secret that women take better care of their health. Men often deny illness.  They minimize symptoms because they don’t want to go to a doctor and find out something is wrong. You suspect you’ve got AIDS, it’s time to come to terms with it. You might be lucky, it could just be good old syphilis.

Ultimately, the reason women live longer is that they stress the men to death. Complaining nonstop about being stressed themselves. As soon as a woman comes into your life, you immediately start losing hair. Know what else causes hair loss? Cancer, that’s what. I’ve never seen or heard of a man that got his edges back from a new relationship. Matter of fact, you’re lucky if all you lose is hair. And those men who are lucky to escape the stress of a woman…

still die of natural causes

© Gottfried. All rights reserved


488 thoughts on “Why Women Live Longer

  1. Ha ha a slightly divisive blog this one. I like to think of men and women more in partnership together trying to survive life as best as possible.

    On the interesting subject of the blog however about why women live longer than men I would say perhaps it is more to do with hormones and DNA?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great subheadings, especially crying. We need to promote that more in men. Women live longer while men suicide more just to help with their statistics of death a little extra! Just let it out everyone; doesn’t matter what genital you have. But then after that, get over it and don’t cry again (men and women).

    Liked by 2 people

      1. This in fact is my go-to motto that I use when I am arguing against pseudo feminists (men hating ladies) because there are injustices and double standards to men as well, but this is actually the first time anyone has said it’s funny haha. That’s good to know 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  3. honestly if I was a man I wouldnt put any effort to pursue a relationship. but raising even 1 person out ypur womb…well i’d perfer a dick. the experience isnt really worth 1 day. then raising that thing that annoyed my insides was like so frustrating like an alien. they say its beautiful but honestly it’s just damn creepy. then it talks back, make demands, run in store when you s
    clearly say nearby monsters are those things with 2 legs and a mouth that looks like an adult and guess what that thing that lived in your body for months, threw your life in a tail spin and had pms out of whack right after delivery looks at you with a nice smile and talks about things you have no answers to. so if you call that easy try entertaining nothing’s wver good enough, try to train and honest to bitsy I would rather have a spider monkey and 2 mug poochies and I hate dogs.

    Liked by 2 people

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