How To Get Rich

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. These days, my wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. In truth, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a millionaire like my uncle, he’s dreaming too. The rich invest in time. The poor invest in money. And that’s why my uncle and I have invested a lot of time into sleeping. Sleeping saves time. The way to become rich is to put all your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket.

Become a living thing. Riches is finding the one who makes you feel alive. I looked into my wallet and it was empty. I looked through all my pockets and they were empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then did I figure out how rich I was. It isn’t a good look though because now I’m going to be your stay-at-home husband, and you have to go fend for the kids. Go feminism! This is why Rosa Parks sat on the bus.

Cash in your goodwill. I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they’ve never heard of money. People say money doesn’t buy happiness, well pass me the money, I like to be sad. To be rich, you have to choose sadness every time. The rich get richer, the poor get children. If you want to get rich you should keep your mouth shut, because silence is golden. In ancient Egypt, the wife of Pharoah divorced him because he got involved in a pyramid scheme. True story.

Believe. What’s stopping you from being rich? In most cases, it is simply a lack of belief. In order to become rich, you must believe you can do it. You have to aspire to perspire and refire so you can retire and marry Maguire. I know why most people never get rich. They put the money ahead of the job. If you just think of the job, the money will eventually follow. If you don’t get serious about your money, you will never have serious money.

Sleep. To get rich, you have to be making money while you’re asleep. You know you’re rich when you lose all the respect you have for humanity. That’s rich rich. Rich people stay rich by living like they’re broke. Broke people, or rather poor people, stay poor by living like they’re rich. Rich people are usually cheapskates. They never spend money until it’s beneficial to them. Sometimes even if it’s for their own guilty pleasure. The man is the richest whose pleasures are cheapest.

Get old. Human beings become rich as they grow old. Silver in hair, gold in teeth, sugar in blood, precious stones in kidney, and a never-ending supply of gas. To be young is to be poor. So unless you can find a way to age really quickly, I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about the current state of your finances. Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, and a tragedy for the poor.

I think everyone should get rich and famous. To do everything they’ve ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. Money can buy a bed but not sleep. A computer but not a brain. Food but not appetite. Finery but not beauty. A house but not a home. Medicine but not health. Luxuries but not culture. Amusements but not happiness. Acquaintance but not friends. Obedience but not faithfulness. The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.

The wages of sin is death. But by the time taxes are taken out, it’s just sort of a tired feeling. I cannot tell you how to be rich, but I can tell you how to feel rich which is far better, let me tell you firsthand, than being rich. Be grateful. It’s the only totally reliable get-rich-quick scheme. With a heart full of gratitude, grace will open doors for you. And when your landlord asks for rent money…

just share the grace

© Gottfried. All rights reserved