What is happiness? Happiness is knowing that you don’t have kids at home when you’re at the grocery store. You don’t have to get anything for anyone but yourself. It is ordering two Shawarmas’ and eating both because you live alone. Happiness is dialing someone’s number and hearing that the caller you’ve dialed is busy. That way you can argue that you tried to reach out. Happiness is borrowing money from a sibling with no intention of paying back, knowing that regardless of how things end, they won’t love you any less.
What are you known for? Most people see me as a storyteller with witty one-liners, but they couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m a prophet. And like the Simpsons and South Park writers, it is only a matter of time before my art becomes life. To ladies, unfortunately, due to their narrow-sightedness, I represent eye-candy. Something to look at and fantasize about. And I wouldn’t begrudge them, have you seen me? Hercules who? They say the big man doesn’t have favorites, but some of you really do look half-baked. With foreheads the size of a coconut.
Why are you here? I should be asking you! Two adults decided they needed an extra financial burden and without my consent, shipped me to earth. They didn’t even have the decency to cover my nakedness as I was enroute. I was sent here to annoy, inspire and be a general nuisance. To release my co-workers from the shackles of fear and give them a new lease of life. I was sent here to say the magic words, “nothing from me” in every zoom meeting. To be fair, a lot of those zoom meetings could have been an email. I was sent here to give a wry smile and say, ‘I told you so.’
How do you want to be remembered? To outdo Genghis Khan. As many as 40 million people were killed under his reign. Interesting that there’s an article on whether he was a Hero or a Villain. You see in this world we live in, we have three kinds of people; the good, the bad, and the very ugly. Now if not for flimsy things like fundamental human rights, why should ugly and bad people be given a right to life? If I could avert a suicide bombing in 2050 by wiping out an entire tribe of bad people today, would I be considered a hero? You ever see an ugly person and they just ruin your whole day? Yeah me too.
How do you want to go? I want to go at the ripe age of 93 to a head shot from a sniper. Picture this, I stroll out to my garden, breathe in the fresh air, in the background I hear my great-grand-kids playing. All is well with the world and then bang! Out of nowhere a bullet cracks open my skull and I drop in a heap. Why? Well, who wants a boring funeral? So many talking points. Who wanted me dead? Why did they wait for me to turn 93? I have lived curiously, it’s only fair I leave behind more questions than answers.
The afterlife? After going through the chaos that is life, I’m really hoping there’s nothing on the other side. I’ve been through enough, I just need to rest. The options are so polarizing, on the one hand, I’m supposed to enjoy singing eternally. My voice isn’t great, listening to it over and over will make me suicidal. On the other hand, it’s endless partying with Micheal Jackson, Prince, and the Beatles. The only downside is that you don’t get to drink water after dancing your heart out. Plus Satan is very mischievous.
Advice for the younger generation? My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Ask for money, get advice. Ask for advice, get money trice. Make sure you enjoy each moment. Life is an aggregation of all those moments put together. I see the future but live for the moment. Makes sense, doesn’t it? I’ve lost a lot and learned a lot, but I’m still undefeated. Most importantly, get over your fears. According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking, number two is death. Death is number two.
Does that seem right?
©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved
My someone got on the cynical side of the bed this morning. I love this post. Looking good and feeling snarky. There aren’t many better combinations.
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Laugh because… Why not??
Haha, I’m starting to see a pattern with your comments. Can’t believe I missed them before.
I’m doing alright btw. Do have a lovely week
I figured Hey It’s just Banter. Ha Ha
lol fairs 😂
Ordering two sharwama and eating them alone , that’s happiness 😌
Love this article 😊❣️ thanks.
True happiness baby girl 😆
Happiness is in being alone. I’m glad someone agrees 😂
We’re so many that agree 😅
On the contrary, if someone doesn’t take my call, I become.. 🤯😤
Gosh I have no idea how to say this..
But, idk why, I am quite patient every other time, but that moment is absolutely different!!😂
I become a beast!🤣
So in short, happiness is when my phone call is attended by the person!🤣 I repeat, by THAT person..😂😅
And I have had instances where the call is attended by some stranger!🤣 That’s equally irritable!😂
Haha, maybe it’s because you’re itching to tell them something and they are simply not available 😅
Lol.. fun fact.. they are just lazy to get up and attend it!!
Have seen it myself!🤣
Haha, I do not doubt this at all
Ha ha ha
Really? 😅
thanks for this amazing post, it made me giggle but is also extremely valuable.
haha, that’s really what I was going for 😁
No wonder my day’s usually ruined after I see you.
haha, what is this supposed to mean? 😁😂
For me its that part you said who wants a boring burial😂😂😂😂lol
Haha, no seriously. What’s a burial without necessary drama and excessive crying and rolling on the floor 😆
Hilarious
All the zoom meetings and the meetings in pre-covid period can be an email.
You sure will get a sniper shot from the ladies on this Blog. Not sure if it will be at the “ripe age” of 93 though.
Life is an exaggeration of all these moments put together. And this post is an exaggeration of ? 😂😂
Honestly, they really is no need to ask me to put on my camera and show myself.
I’ll be 90 and still pulling perfect tens. Never doubt my drip 😅
Aggregation 😂
Very Nice Words used about ladies. Hope your wife won’t read it😂
She’s very very very understanding 😌
🙂👍🏻
😘
Hi pretty lady how are you feeling today
👀
Feeling Awesome 👍🏻 TQ
🥳
Thanks good to know so tell me what can I call you and where are you from
Myself from India
Yourself
Oho
Yourself from Oho🙂
😂
👀
Ramani
🌚
You got a cute name well my name’s Derrick and from UK
😒
👍🏻Nice
🙏🏾
Have you heard anything about bitcoin mining before?
Really? 👀
Bitcoin mining is online investment and it has really helped so many people
Of course. But is this really where you want to talk about it?
Interesting person will share his or her WhatsApp information with me so that we can proceed further
👍🏾
You can start from your home without sending money to anybody but finally when you received yours profit 10percent comes to me from your profit
No shit
It helps me alot even the period of covid-19
Of course
Have you mine Bitcoin before
Not planning to for the foreseeable future 😅
No! But Mining in the sense, which mining.
👀
That’s when your bitcoin is generating for example if you mine 50 if will generate to 150$ within 24hours
As It Pandemic time all are available but after lockdown is over we all may not be available.
Oh yeah
👍🏻
😉
That’s brazy 😲
But it seems going in loss.
👀
I read one article but hope you do well
Oh
You can call me Ramani
💬
You are welcome
🙃