How To Pick The Perfect Partner

~ Gottfried

I’ve been married six years today, and if there’s anything marriage has taught me, it’s that I should have stayed single. Why the hell is this woman crying in her sleep? On our wedding night, her dad had called me aside and warned that she could be a bit of a cry baby, I had no idea he meant literally. Here’s a tip, she’s the wrong partner if her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. The perfect partner will be content with just pearls.

Imperfectly perfect. The perfect partner is boring. You’ll find yourself constantly apologizing because they’d be right all the time. Everyone would look at you and say, “oh your life must be so great”, but in truth, your life really isn’t. It’s a nightmare. You’re going through emotional and mental torture. The only way out is to accept defeat. So you walk around head up like you’ve just hit the jackpot. Yes indeed, you bagged the prize everyone else wanted.

Can’t drive, can’t wife. If you want him to go to your stupid double-date with your best-friend and her husband, better be prepared to drive to and fro. Wishful thinking. I know I’ll end up driving, but it wouldn’t kill her to at least offer to every now and then. Or at least bribe me with kisses. A man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. No surprises we never make it to the date night.

No finance, no romance. If you can’t at the very least match her current level of comfort, don’t do it. Don’t believe the tales of Cinderella. Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look, especially at his finances. Poverty doesn’t choose you, you choose poverty. The perfect partner adds meaning to your life and yet, she subtracts some cash from your wallet. I don’t make the rules.

Kidnapped. If you prank call your significant other about being kidnapped and they fall for it, they’re not the one for you. If she starts laughing instead, wife her up immediately. She’s a real one. Have you ever loved someone so much that you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and have them all to yourself? Well, apparently that is called kidnapping. But you catch my drift?

Growth. If your partner outgrows you, be genuinely happy for them, because it means that they’ve learnt everything that they need to learn from connecting with you. Healthy endings and beginnings. At the end of the day, you shouldn’t be sad that the relationship has come to an end, be glad that it happened in the first place. Then go find somewhere quiet and cry your eyes out you little shit.

Finding the perfect partner is like searching for dinosaurs in the 21st century. There are only a few of them scattered around. Myself and three others. Nobody is truly yours, it’s just your turn. For a reason, or season, who knows how long for. But it’s your turn, so do your best to make them happy and keep it goin’. You know you’ve got a real one when they always want to know how your day went…

in detail, until it starts to piss you off

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

370 thoughts on “How To Pick The Perfect Partner”

  2. “At the end of the day, you shouldn’t be sad that the relationship has come to an end, be glad that it happened in the first place. Then go find somewhere quiet and cry your eyes out you little shit.”
    😭😭😭😭

    Liked by 20 people

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          3. Don’t forget Simba! He learned 2 important lessons: things can be slimy at first and end up satisfying. Also that when baboons say “Asante sanna sqash bahnahnah” you should duck.

            Liked by 6 people

          6. I wonder why they bothered with a remake that nobody asked for. I preserved my mind by not watching.

            I was going to clown you for being able to recite the entire movie by heart till I figured I probably could too 😂

            Liked by 3 people

          7. My nephew doesn’t know good from not as good. He’s 2. He loves lions 🙄

            And it takes time and dedication. Especially if you can do all of the golden age of disney movies. And I mean ALL of them lol

            Liked by 3 people

  6. Perfect partner will always find a perfect timing to expose you with another date!!
    Make sure your another date is your coworker.
    One more thing – “If your car doesn’t have an accident while kissing then it’s not real love”
    Enjoyed the most! Great post!

    Liked by 12 people

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    1. Haha, I’d argue that the last person you should take on a date is your coworker. It always ends in hot premium tears. Unless one of you is leaving, I do not recommend.

      Thanks mate, do have a great week.

      Liked by 3 people

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  7. I like the “perfectly imperfect” idea. 😜

    The perfect partner is boring. You’ll find yourself constantly apologizing because they’d be right all the time.

    Liked by 9 people

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  10. “Finding the perfect partner is like searching for dinosaurs in the 21st century.” Couldn’t agree more !!!!👏👏😶😶😶

    Liked by 9 people

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