Perks of Being Short

~ Gottfried

Hustle spirit. Having to stretch to reach for things throughout your life imbibes the spirit of hustle in you. Short people also maintain a great perspective on life because they’re always looking up. In truth, every activity for short people is an involuntary workout. You hardly see a short person being fat at the same time. They have to do a lot of exercise going up and down the kitchen.

Options. Most guys are taller than you. Admittedly this is only great if you’re female. Most guys prefer shorter girls and you get yourself some tippy-toe kisses. You do have a larger pool to work with. Your boyfriend could fit you in a duffle bag and carry you with him everywhere. As a short guy, you can tell she’s in it for love, because it’s clearly not about your looks. Clarity.

Adorable. Sometimes I get carried away and pat them on the head. My bad honestly. Contrary to widely held beliefs, I like short people. Everyone knows that it’s easier to bury short people. All you need to do is find the right shoe box. Being short means you can wear heels without looking too tall. I can’t even attempt to pull off a three piece suit, but for a shorter guy, every outfit works.

Live forever. Evidence suggests that short people live longer. Especially since they already cut a deal with Satan. If you’re short you also get to look younger than you really are. Which is great until you’re trying to get into the club with no ID. One day, short people will rule the world. All 5ft of it of course. When short people smoke, they don’t get high. They get medium. Lungs preserved.

Lots of legroom. In buses, planes, heck any form of transport, you can have any of the seats. As soon as you get in, you can lean back and have a nap. Must be nice. For short people, coming down the stairs must feel like skydiving. Every experience is in 3D. At least one advantage of being short is you get to be in front for all pictures taken every time.

Durability. You can always hem long pants, but you can’t make too short pants longer. Your hair to height ratio also makes your hair look ten times longer. It’s no wonder it’s a lot easier for short guys to pull off the bald guy look to perfection. When something drops, you can pick it up easily because you’re closer to the ground. Haven’t met a single short person with back pain.

Unsung heroes. You’ve really gotta hand it to short people. Because they usually can’t reach it anyways. They are also pretty reliable and the literal definition of down to earth. You shouldn’t make fun of short people because it’s a little person too…I mean a little too personal. To my short friends. I see you, I hear you, I stand with you. Actually, I’ll just sit instead. Life is short.

And so are you.

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

412 thoughts on “Perks of Being Short”

  3. Well done Gottfried! I sometimes wonder you find these ideas to write about. I guess your mind is never shorthanded for ideas. Just in case, you can always hum or whistle to Randy Newman’s “Short People” for extra inspiration.

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