Entertaining Ideas

Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during math class. None of which had anything to do with math. One day I was born. Then everything bothered me. And that brings us up to date. My idea of a good morning is one where I open my eyes, take a deep breath, then go back to sleep. “Rich people don’t sleep eight hours a day” sounds like a lie to me. To sleep is to be rich.

YOLO. I’m currently stuck between “I need to save money” and “you only live once”. My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills. It was such a simple time. I used to throw out food without feeling any remorse. I didn’t have any plans of my own. I’d fall asleep on the couch only to wake up on my bed. These days, having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.

Good ideas. The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. That way, after sifting through the first 2000, you’ll finally stumble on a good one. Sometimes you get an idea by engaging in small talk. I’m currently trying out this thing where I attempt to elevate small talk into medium talk. Take grocery shopping for example. All my life I thought air was free, until I paid for a bag of chips. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. It’s not an idea until you write it down.

Bad idea. Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time. As long as you’re not thrown into bankruptcy. To be poor is to have too much month at the end of your money. Indeed, money is made to be spent. We know the voices in our heads aren’t real, but sometimes their ideas are just too good to ignore. I mean, maybe try eating some makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside too. It’s funny, if you impersonate somebody, they have no idea it’s them.

Graduation. At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it. I have a dear friend who hates underwear. I believe her life is a lot more interesting than us underwear folk. Every day is a gamble. Will she end up naked at the bus stop? Who knows? Exciting! Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.

Jokes. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as fun as possible. Most of my ideas just come out funny. I also smile a lot because I have no idea what’s going on. It’s like taking a dog named ‘shark’ to the beach. You just know it’s a bad idea but you’ll get a lot of laughs so it’s worth it in the end. If you get called out for a really terrible idea, just swear you were joking and fake a laugh. Works a treat.

Parting words. I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I’m still looking for ideas. My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea. Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, simply surrounded by assholes. That being said, I’m making some changes in my life. So if you don’t hear from me…

you’re one of them

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