Childhood Memories

September 6, 2021September 19, 2021 ~ Gottfried

Oh to be a kid again! As a kid I used to talk to the fan to hear my robotic voice. I’d also look forward to my birthday. These days, birthdays are a constant reminder that evil exists in this world and that we are born to die. Time is running out for the adult and there’s very little to show for it. The kids are here to replace us. The old man lying down can’t see shit anymore, he has glaucoma. We were flying kites as kids, kids these days are flying drones with smartphones. I say maybe just maybe, nostalgia aside, childhood wasn’t as great.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did except you. The other day mom told me a bizarre tale. Dad got back from a trip with a heap of bananas. He cut several bunches and left them in the living room. Now here comes the part. According to her account, I woke in the middle of the night, walked into the living room and attacked the bananas. I kept eating, so much so that even though I became full, I still kept going. Only this time with a slight variation. I’d open the banana, eat it halfway and throw the rest away. It was allegedly a huge mess. I simply refuse to believe such a thing happened. Especially for my sanity. Am I a monkey perhaps?

Sleep. The thing I miss most about childhood is sleeping, especially in the middle of the day. Now I can’t even sleep properly without problems interrupting. My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking…”Wow, I can teleport.” Bed time is the reason parents drink. I used to think I was a patient person, but then my kid got out of bed for the eleventh time, and asked why ducks don’t have arms. So I mixed something strong for him and told him to drink it, that it’ll give him super powers. He’s been asleep since August the 15th.

Thankful. I’m thankful that my childhood was filled with bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many likes you can get on a picture, or views on your Tik Tok. I imagine myself as a kid trying to make TikTok videos to fit in, borderline disgusting. In this day and age, I’d have been a hermit kid. My all time favorite childhood memory is not paying bills. I went grocery shopping the other day, got to the counter, turned around and started putting stuff back in the shelf. How our parents kept us well fed is still a mystery!

Injuries. I was used to childhood injuries like; Fell off my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle, or scraped my toe playing football. Adult injuries usually come if you; Slept wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard, or got up suddenly. It’s embarrassing being an adult. As a kid, you’ll get an injury and still get a spanking from your parents. Talk about adding insult to injury. It’s at this point you start threatening to run away and never come back home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. You’re not raised right if you didn’t attempt to run away at least once.

Growing up is a scam. Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they clap their hands when the plane lands. You just know they weren’t raised right. I miss the days when bags were heavy, not hearts. Pencils were broken, not promises. Tears were fake, not smiles. Friends made us laugh, not F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back on your childhood everything is different?

Friendships. Childhood friendship is the most beautiful memory that can never be replaced. Shits all over adult friendships that are hectic and demanding. It’s either they’re constantly guilt tripping you, trying to obtain a favor or both. Nothing feels real. As a kid your parents were your closest friends and confidant. If you’re shocked reading that line, you’re probably adopted. In truth you had to wait for a window when they’re in a good mood to ask for something you want. Now a parent, I’m never in the mood. I’m not buying roadside junk food, there’s rice at home. It always shocks me when I hear people say that life is about Ups and Downs.

Really, you guys are having Ups?