The Golden Rule

Whoever has gold makes the rules. As a matter of fact, they are entitled to making it up as they go along. Do unto others before they do one to you. Before they can anticipate where you’re headed, strike! Always maintain the element of surprise. And remember to stay wicked. You can’t love gold and still love people. You have to make a choice. Ask Judas.

As a man, there are two golden rules in life. Rule number one, the wife is always right. Rule number two, when you feel she’s wrong, slap yourself and read rule number one again. There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time. They’re called husband! Marriage is like an orchestra. Interestingly, an orchestra also has two golden rules. Start together, and finish together. The audience does not give a damn about what goes on in between. If I’m dying, the wife has to die too!

Golden rules for living. If you open it, close it. Close the damn door to my room! You’re messing with the temperature and is not cool. The golden rule at work is that your bosses jokes are always funny. If you turn it on, turn it off. If you unlock it, lock it up. If you break it, admit it. If you can’t fix it, call someone who can. If you borrow it, return it. Don’t be a bastard! If you value it, take care of it. Your wife looks like she hasn’t eaten this week.

Oh wait, there’s more! If you make a mess, clean it up. You’re not a toddler. Even if you were, clean that shit up. If you move it, put it back. If it belongs to someone else, get permission to use it. Don’t be a thief! If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone. If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions. Now help me move this body upstairs.

Rules for doing good. Do all the good you can. In all the ways you can. To all the people you can. In every place you can. At all times you can. As long as ever you can. I know there are a lot of ‘cans’ in there, but you get the point. If you can, do good. If you can’t, don’t do anything. Don’t make me curse you! You don’t call retarded people retards. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.

In all your getting, find peace. Saving is a fine thing, especially if your parents have done it for you. If money is your problem, money cannot be the solution. Simply because the problem itself can’t be its solution. Further, the problem of money is not only its scarcity, even its excess can be a problem. I have just realized that the stakes are myself. I have no other ransom money, nothing to break or barter but my life. Now to find a girl named Peace.

There is one golden rule to keep before you. Laugh about everything and don’t bother yourself about the others. Be happy! Who is helping you, don’t forget them. Who is loving you, don’t hate them. Who is believing in you, don’t let them down. From this point on, I plan to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some will be glad…

Others should be scared.

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