The Romance of Love

~ Gottfried

One half of me is a hopeless romantic, the other half is so damn realistic. The most romantic love story isn’t Romeo and Juliet who died together. It’s also not Titanic. I’ll have you know that the movie ‘Titanic’ is actually a horror movie for men. At no point in the movie where the lives of any of the men worth something. The women and kids survived though.

My life is just a romantic comedy minus the romance. It’s just me laughing at my own jokes. I now know that women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. Because the more you understand her, the less you love her. Because you realize that she’s crazy and not worth the hassle. Your life was easier when you were single, you didn’t know it. Now you’re trapped. Forever.

Before you kiss a guy. Grab his waist. Pull him closer to your body. Look at his lips while biting yours. Look back at his eyes again. Grab his face gently. Then slowly lean in and whisper into his ear; “the Lannisters send their regards.” Then stab him in the chest while his mother watches. It will drive him crazy, I promise.

Dreaming. The inability to fall asleep at night means you’re awake in someone’s dream. You hear that? You were wrongly diagnosed with insomnia. You’re actually a victim of witchcraft. The good news though is that there’s no hope for you. Embrace your spirit wife. At least she doesn’t nag as much as they usually do in real life.

Dear girls, if a guy pauses a video game to text you back, it doesn’t mean your special. It just means he’s losing badly and he’s trying to trace where all the bad luck is coming from. If he drops that call and starts winning immediately, I’m afraid it’s curtains for your relationship. Also, real love is not based on romance. In fact, it’s based on care, compromise, respect, trust and a stroke of good luck.

Funny how we think of romance as always involving two. The romance of solitude is so much more delicious and intense. Once you learn to love and enjoy your own company, you’re already halfway there. We must be our own before we can be another’s. Real love stories never have endings. Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women like to be a man’s last romance. There will be no winners.

Don’t make love by the kitchen windows. Love is blind but the neighbors aren’t. I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. Romance is the icing, but love is the cake. Too much of either and you get diarrhea. In the end, romance is for everyone

but you

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

256 thoughts on “The Romance of Love”

  2. I knew the cake metaphor was the right one. I agree with you, men are hardly ever saved and if they survive they become Man of Wrath types. Sorry. I think that’s only because women so want the hero to love and be loved by. They forget that bit you mentioned about respect and if I were a man I would probably be a hacker or a mercenary. Either way some government is going to pay you or kill you. Keeps life real. Your fans love you. I know. It’s not much, but I agree, romantic movies should fall under the horror genre. Love and Light.

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    1. I don’t think your gender stops you from being a hacker or a mercenary. Heck I think you’ll be more successful at it given the element of surprise. As the gongs of war ring out, this could be your time to shine. Then we would have the movie equivalent of Titanic with a female lead 😅

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      1. You presume I haven’t considered my present potential. Every time they spit out more excrement I further my plans for the Syrian intervention. I may be a surprise, but I am not wearing headgear. I may shave my hair to look more scary, or have one of those now popular viking hair styles, but I am sure I could at least tell one story before I cop a bullet. Euthanasia has such a bad rep. I am going for martyr. That seems more popular. I don’t do boats though. Not at all. It will have to be a bit like Live. Die. Repeat. Thanks for your weekly basket of cheer.

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          1. Smiling because I am half listening to someone with more chaos than I have. I will take your word for it. I may not have time to consider a hairstyle of any description. My fear is they will think I am a gentle harmless Granny. I may have to use my mouth which has been said to skin a crocodile to attract attention. Plans of MIce and grannies… I might die of old age before I consider a hair change. Happy week dear man. Blessings.

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  7. You provided us with a lot of great romantic advice. I liked the one about not making love by the kitchen window. Where was your advice 40 years ago?

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