Need For Sleep

~ Gottfried

Sleep solves everything. Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia, I can’t sleep because I have internet. People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. Because if you had a baby, you’d know those little shits don’t sleep peacefully. If your friend wakes up your sleeping baby, they aren’t really your friend.

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. When you’re done you’ll be exhausted and sleep will come quicker. At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up. My mom told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap. He who goes to bed with an itchy anus will wake up to smelly fingers.

When people tell me “You’re going to regret this in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver. I’m the type of person that tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream. How to fall asleep faster? Decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.

I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed and they still ask, “Are you sleeping?” “No, I’m training to die.”

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 2 pm in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today. Every day I risk my job, career and future to get extra fifteen minutes of sleep. And it is always worth it.

Don’t give up on your dreams, keep sleeping. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep! I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast. The only other activity that is remotely enjoyable asides from sleeping is eating. You’re a genius if you can do both simultaneously. Sleep until you’re hungry, eat until you’re sleepy.

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle. There is no sunrise so beautiful that is worth waking me up to see it. It doesn’t matter if I sleep two hours or thirteen hours, I will still be tired the next day. And that’s because my tiredness is not from a lack of sleep. Taking power naps is not a mark of laziness. I’m not lazy…

I’m on power saving mode

Gottfried. All rights reserved

172 thoughts on “Need For Sleep”

  5. Many funny gems here but I’ll go with this one Gottfried.

    “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. Because if you had a baby, you’d know those little shits don’t sleep peacefully.”
    😳😂👏
    True That!!! 4 kids later and family bed with one on each boob, they trained me so I can’t sleep. One night I made them sleep on the floor and they cried “I’m scared” to which I said “I’m scared too, you’re too close to me” and I took the 6 year old to her room and she never came back in again. 😂
    I just got used to not sleeping ever since then. They say it’s always the parents fault… this is proof it’s the kids fault ha.. Actually what a fool I was.. 🤷‍♀️😜

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    1. It’s crazy how having kids is such a life altering experience. More people should seek counsel and deliberate carefully before having kids.

      Unless they plan to be terrible parents in which case they can just carry on making babies

      Liked by 3 people

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    1. Haha, it’s true. Sleep that is essential for making the body function optimally, people are now voluntarily depriving themselves of it. And they think it’s cool

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