How to Handle a Crush

What’s that thing where your crush likes you back? Oh yes, your imagination! Having a crush is like having that little piece of rock stuck in their shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you’re pretty sure it’s gone. But then like half an hour later, you feel it under your toe and you’re like “oh! no”.

Getting heartbroken from a crush is so funny because they don’t even know you exist. It’s worse when someone calls them ugly (as a joke), now you’re doing backflips to defend them with everything you have. When you know why you like someone, it’s a crush. When you have no reason or explanation, it’s love.

You know you are in love with your crush when you’re being loyal to them and they don’t even know about it. Passionately defending their existence like your life depends on it. Unpaid labour. When you are in love, you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. Don’t be that guy.

As a teacher, I always tried to figure out who had a crush on who and made sure they were always paired up. The goal was for as many students to as possible to fail through distractions. When someone teases you with your crush’s name, outside you pretend to be annoyed but inside, you’re full of warmth. That’s how you know you’re truly finished.

Not all crushes are to be acted on. One of the reasons they’re so attractive to you is because you haven’t heard them speak yet. As soon as they open their mouths, you immediately start questioning your taste and life choices.

Is that sunburn or are you blushing? Based on a psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of four months. If it exceeds, you are in love. Sorry for you. Another psychological fact. Being unable to get someone off your mind indicates that you are also on that person’s mind as well. Only they’re thinking of getting a restraining order on you.

There is nothing better than when your crush has a crush on you too. Shame it never happens in real life, and it will forever remain a figment of your imagination. A great way to get out of a crush is to ask your crush who they like. It’s important to have a box of tissue ready as you anticipate their answer. Let’s face it we’ve all had crushes…

we very strongly regret

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved.

162 thoughts on “How to Handle a Crush

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