Taking a Dump

~ Gottfried

Watching me while a poop is a special kind of intimacy and a healthy bond that should exist between partners. Farting around each other is the key to spicing up your relationship. One whiff of her fart and you’re ready to redo your vows. Helps with communication too.

I eat poop when no one is looking. It’s the best way to find out what’s really wrong with you. Sometimes it’s not just the diarrhea. The next time you have a runny stomach and you can’t quite place what is really wrong, reach in there, take a handful and shove into your mouth. Wash it down with coke.

Photo dump. Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go round to all your friends’ houses to show them the picture of your dinner? No? Me neither. Stop it.

For centuries, dogs have been taken a dump on humans. If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think dogs are the leaders of this planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

Everybody looks at their poop before flushing. A great many nights I’m up thinking to myself, how do blind people know they’re done cleaning up after pooping? Sometimes on the journey, you step in dog poop. But you don’t let the whole journey be about the fact that your shoe got poop on it.

When Johnny Depp said he found poop all over his bed, I got embarrassed, thinking my dog had broken into his house and used his sheets like a garden. But boy was I relieved when he placed the blame on Amber Heard, where it properly belongs. At the end of the day, Life is nothing but poop.

So eat lots of beans….and prunes

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

60 thoughts on “Taking a Dump”

  3. It’s a smelly business i don’t want get in…😂

    N completely tangential to this…i read an article on aeon about sulking..the writing reminded me of your writing… clearly talking vices and virtues of sulking and the dynamics between the sulker and their target ..😀
    It was good read and it made me feel if you have written that…😀😀 But then it’s not poopy business n u wouldn’t do it..🤣🤣😂😂

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  4. MaKinG More Colorful Roses

    GRoWinG in Depths of Whatever

    Fertilizers Work Best With SMiLes

    A Little Something i Wrote Yesterday

    That Just Seems to Capture the Mood

    of Your Post Too Mr Gottfried Yet of Course

    Humans Are Notorious

    For Hoarding Their

    Fertilizers in Boxes

    After The Last Breath of Life

    Meanwhile Worms Continue to Find
    Other Fuels to Aerate The Soils Like the

    Other Fertilizers MaKinG More Colorful Roses

    Yet What Really Should Scare People is When IT
    Comes All Over The Truth As True THere Are Roses

    Of Love And Guns For Protection Yet What Is Left

    When IT Comes All Over The Truth iN LiGHT Over DarK

    Rhetorical
    Question of

    Course Most
    Already Developed
    Countries Are Coming

    To Find When Truth is All Covered With IT

    And Not Necessarily Only An Orange Clown In

    A Gutter Who is Best Friends With Church Officials

    And the Such

    oF IT

    For Real

    Meanwhile Roses

    Will Continue to Color
    More Out of Whatever
    Fertilizer They Find

    To Increase

    The Feel Of THeir
    Natural iNtelliGenceS oF ARTS

    iNDeeD So Far Beyond IT oF AI too Hehe…:)

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      1. HAha Doing my Very Best to Shovel Out Some More Fertilizer Now

        HeHe to Be Honest Mr. Gottfried Yes i Thought About “IT” More

        As A ‘City Boy’ Oh Dear Lord A House in a Neighborhood Called

        Oakhurst Huge Majestic Trees With Intelligent Roots Invading

        The City Sewer System All That Tree Nutrition Breaking the

        Pipes Backing Up into the Tub

        The Stuff of Nightmares

        Yet Still Not Divorced

        So Much From Nature

        With The Ills Nature Deficit Disorder

        Brings i am the Little Boy Who FoLLoWeD All

        the Rules and it is True The Only Real Difference

        of Note Measured That Separates the Hero From the

        Villain is Both Are Quick to Action And Not Afraid to Break

        Rules Yet One Has Empathy and Compassion so Great He and

        or Her May Not Be Able to Separate Themselves For Caring For All

        Of Nature Real While the Villain Has Zero Levels of that Gift and May

        Only Seek to Get off on Harming Others Ranging to Rape Maiming

        And Killing of Death Sort of Like the Advice the ‘Numbers 31’ ‘Old Testament

        God’ Gave to ‘Moses’ Per Direction to Kill All the Woman Folk Who Had Been

        With Men As Booty Taken From Tribal Wars Then Limited to the Women Virgin

        Children to Rape Numbering 32 Thousand At the Pleasure of Their Desire

        For the Win
        of Tribal War

        Oh Dear Lord

        At Least Jesus Made

        A Good Faith Effort By Part of the Story to Be

        A True Hero With Empathy and Compassion Yes

        A Greater God at Least in Human Form Erased

        From So Much Tribal Harming Maiming Raping

        Killing Warring Ways Indeed of Course until after

        The Beatitudes in Matthew When by the End of the

        Story Another Ghost Author With That Famous Pen

        Name all Roman Writing Greek as Jesus was Likely

        Illiterate Aramaic Including All 12 Of His Closest

        Crafts Men and Other Fisher Men FRiEnDS Then

        Yes Where The Catholic Priest Insists Don’t Give

        The Homeless Person on the Street Any Money

        Only Believe Implicitly They are A Worthless Drug

        Addict Etc Who May Spoil What You Give

        Them Only Send them to

        Him As Worthy

        to Judge

        Their Fate

        as Much Wiser than

        You WeLL It’s True Folks

        With that Attitude toward the

        Least As Worthless and Not Worthy

        of Even Having Any Will to Spend What

        You May Help Feed And Clothe Them

        Are Indeed Changed Over From Once

        Loyal Or Never Loyal Jesus Sheep into

        Goats and Burned in Torture Forevermore

        Yet Oh! What Kind of CR8P is That By the Other

        Ghost Author Called Matthew VeRSuS the Others Just

        Discussing Loving the Enemy Always Forgiving Turning

        The Other Cheek Always Merciful Now Forevermore Now New

        Yes God Yes The Heaven Version of Jesus the Hero Turns into

        The Villain By the End of that Chapter Just Losing The Gravitas

        of What it Takes to Never Ever Ever Give Up on Unconditional

        Love and Most Sadly Part of this Story is True as Not Only

        Were These the Instructions A Priest Not Only Said Once

        Yet Thrice in a Homily Yesterday i Heard He Also Lumped

        In What He Called ‘Transgender Confusion’ With

        ‘Pornography’ As Sin Yet of Course Alcohol

        And Gambling For Addictions Like Bingo

        Are Fair Game to Do as Church Activities for

        Real Like The Church Tour Bus That Took the

        Church Folks to Visit the One Armed Bandits

        For That Addiction Once A Month For 5 Years

        i Joined in on as A Participant Anthropology Observer

        to Learn All about the Human Condition then Too as Tours

        Generally Speaking Then Brought in Folks on Fixed Incomes

        to Donate So Much Of Their Monthly Pay Check to Pay Check

        to the Casino House That way Such An F In Waste of Humanity Indeed…

        Never the Less the Most Vulnerable Among Us Now and Bullied Like This

        From Church to State Are Transgender Folks Along with the rest of the

        LGQBT Plus Community With Big Political And Church TaRGeTS on their

        Backs Except for the Christ United Methodist Church one Church

        If Jesus Came Back for Real the Good Cop Version Might

        Not Get His Stomach of Soul All Turned Over in

        A Grave Over Churches That Still Don’t

        Get (DO) His Message for Real And Politics

        Too Anyway Back to the City Boy With Roots
        in the Plumbing Of Life We Got A Septic Tank

        Out Here in the Forest When We Started to Plant

        Our Garden of Eden Home Back in 1993 All Paid off
        Thank God Since 2016 Anyway We Planted A DogWood

        Tree Right Next to the Septic Tank City Boy Ignorance Indeed

        Didn’t Realize All that Extra Feed Would Sprout the Tree So Tall

        And Fast For Real along with the Huge Oak in Our BackYard

        That Hurricane Ivan Easily Tumbled in our Sandy Loam Soil
        Almost As White As Our Sugar White Emerald Gulf Coast Beaches

        True The Tree Grew too Green With Shallow Roots Feeding off Our

        Drain Field that Way having to Have it Replaced Our DogWood Tree

        Flowered New One Last Try in February of 2017 Early When my Mother

        Passed Away Going to Her Death Bed on Valentine’s That Day Without

        Food or Drink A Whole 8 Days as the Doctor Said it Usually Only Takes

        3 Days With Stage 4 Cancer Undiagnosed Spread From Breast to Bones

        To Bleeding Brain Like my Mother Had Yet Love Makes A Strong Heart

        His Answer

        Why Hers

        Beat So Long

        Without Food or Drink mY FRiEnD
        Anyway We Replaced the Drain Field
        With A New Fancy Piped in Closed System

        And The DogWood Died of Nature Deficit Disorder For
        Real And THere IS A MoraL oF A SToRY Here to HeaR Indeed

        Too Much Abundance Brings Misery The Same Way Living

        iN DeSeRT SCaRCiTY Will BRinG too A Balance in All ‘Stuff’ Life
        Is Necessary Even When it comes to Breaking Rules As Oh my

        God Truly i Was Such A REAL Fool of a Rule Follower As A Middle School
        Thin as A Reed Boy At Almost 6 Feet Tall And 120 Pounds in 8th Grade

        i Walked to School And One Day i Had to Pee Really Bad And instead of

        Finding A Tree on the Way of the Miles Long Walk Back i Didn’t Quite make

        it in on our Front Porch Then Now By God You Damned Straight i’d Find a

        Tree Now

        No Longer

        Nature Deficit

        Disorder Full of CR8P

        Fed That Way By Modern

        CuLTuRE Now i am one With

        Nature Naked Enough Whole Complete

        A DogWood FLoWeRing And An Oak With Deep Roots Newer Now

        And God Yes This is the Problem of the Day mY FRiEnD Humans Without

        Roots Deep And Not Able to See Further than ‘BLacK And White Humanity’

        As That Applies to the Rest of Nature Per Nature Deficit Disorder Same

        Beast As
        GDD Yes

        God Deficit Disorder for Real…

        Other than That i Hope Dear Mr

        Gottfried You’re Having a Wonderful

        Week in Nigeria BaLaNCinG Without

        Too Much Abundance or SCaRCiTiES too…

        Another Note Though to Ponder As it must

        Be Uncomfortable And Chaffed As Such to Sit

        in Diaper Stuff So Long Modern Sanitation Has

        Saved More Lives in Communicable And Infectious

        Disease than Modern Medicine For Real So Yes Next

        Instance Ya See A Janitor Cleaning Up The CR8P of Life

        Hug Them The

        Same Way

        As You Might

        A Living Dog
        Wood or Oak Tree

        With Deeper RootS Hehe…

        That’s Just Another Parable

        Though i Don’t Expect Anyone to even Listen to or HeaR me

        Yet The Dance is JusT aLL ToGeTHeR iMPoSSiBLE To MiSS Hehe..:)

        Liked by 1 person

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          1. “Everyone has a part to play”

            To The Point Shakespearean

            Sagean Wisdom iNDeed Mr. Gottfried

            To Be Or Not To Be Part of the Whole

            Whole of the Part to Play All THE ALL

            As ParT

            Of All That

            Is THE ALL iN ALL

            Part Integral Whole DarK Thru LiGHT

            We aRe THE ALL iN All All

            Parts Contribute Leafs

            Of ThiS Whole Tree

            oF Life That God Yes

            Even Forrest Gump+

            iS SmART ENough to

            Understand iN Doing IT

            Feather in The BReeZE ALL

            That Is Wings Free to Be i AM..:)

            Liked by 1 person

      2. iNDeeD Mr. Gottfried What Makes ‘Forrest

        Gump’ Such A Timeless Classic is It’s All About

        The “Special Sauce” What Standard IQ And

        Other ‘Artificial Intelligence’ Yes the IT of AI

        Will Be Never Be Able to Fully Measure or Actually

        Fully

        Do Until

        It Becomes
        Fully HuMaN

        Too With Real
        SPiRiT HeART OPeN SoUL

        Radiating From the Great
        Beyond Within That No

        Equation or Algorithm

        Or Other Manufactured

        Smaller Standard IQ Intelligence

        Will Both Come to See and Hear

        Far Beyond Only Organs of Eyes

        And Ears Alone As Word Think Intelligence

        Only Touches the Surface of God For Real…

        Indeed In the ‘Days of the AI’ Real Humans With

        Fully Developing

        SPiRiTS HeARTS

        SoULS Will Shine

        Sun Below Free

        Reflecting Moon Above..:)

        Liked by 1 person

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