Growing Up

~ Gottfried

Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done. I don’t know how to act my age, I’ve never been this age before. Matter of fact, I literally just got here. When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house, jumping on their furniture, raiding their fridge and making a huge mess, then just leave! Some of you will become your parents, I’m here to warn you.

Do you remember the time we couldn’t wait to grow up? What the hell were we thinking? As I grow older and wiser, I’ve begun to understand how little I understand. By the time you’re 80 years old, you’ve learned everything. You have to remember it. Growing up is overrated, being immature is where it’s at. I see no good reason to act my age. I may be mature on the outside, but inside, I’m just a kid with a credit card.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Now you understand why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up. I would give an arm and a leg to be a 10-year-old again. I had a smaller list of worries. Food and housing weren’t a part of that list. Just needed to pass my exams, wash a few plates and run a handful of errands while on insane amounts of sugar. Adulthood is looking both ways before you cross the street and get hit by an aeroplane.

A grownup is a child with layers on. The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest. Even though you’re growing up, you should never stop having fun. You’re never too old to do goofy stuff. It took me five years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. Age is not how old you are but how many fun years you’ve had.

Don’t let your daughter wear makeup at 10, date at 12, wear provocative clothing at 15 and then wonder why she got pregnant at 16. You did that! You basically handed her the tools. At some point, we have to let kids be kids. Parents have to put their foot down and ensure teens dress like teens. Too much hurry to look old these days. Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.

Rent, Taxes, Death. I hate growing up. People who know me as Ebuka always have the most to say. The Gottfried crew are a lot more civil and respectful. They know I no longer hand out free hugs, you have to pass the fresh scent contest first. Don’t stretch out your hand for a handshake, you’re getting a fist bump. Don’t look at me, I didn’t change I grew up.

You should try it sometime.

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

76 thoughts on “Growing Up”

  7. You are such a riot! I love the way you make me laugh, Gottfried. 😝 I’m not gonna grow old – no sir! At 84 I can pee my pants as well as any 8 day old. I can giggle as well as any 8 year old. I can squirm as well as any 18 year old and I can hug better than any 27 year old you know. So, what’s the big deal about aging? Well, maybe I can’t cover all the holes on my clarinet like I did at 18… arthritis does take its toll. Had to trade the Leblanc for a tone flute 🪈 Not so many holes. Life does get simpler!!

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  8. Wow there is a lot to think about here. Normally we speak about the fear of the unknown but this is about the desire of the unknown when we want to grow up. Growing up comes with a lot of responsibilities, but when we were young we see growing up as power, authority, control and freedom the rigor of going to school. As we live we learn but the important thing is to enjoy the blessings of life, be wise in our choices so as to eliminate some of life’s regrets.

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