The gift that keeps giving

~ Gottfried

Guilt. The gift that keeps giving. When I feel guilty, I drink black coffee. Coffee keeps me going until it is acceptable to drink wine. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first — your money or your feet. It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Marriage. Marriage is give and take. You better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. Don’t you try to hold her accountable for her actions. Women generally aren’t great accountants. To an accountant a spreadsheet is a gift that keeps giving. For women, accountability is getting caught.

Fruitcake. The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. The meaning of your life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. Your gift, and not your life. Especially if your gift is being able to make fruitcake.

Children. If your children are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children’. Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired. Still stressed? Drink wine. Wine flies when you’re having fun.

Friendship. True friendship is the gift that keeps giving. Friendship is being there when someone is feeling low and not being afraid to kick them. Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present. Put all your weight behind the kick! Let them experience it as an expression of your love.

Happiness. It’s not just a gift. It’s giving your soul a lift. Even if you’re on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. Don’t let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection. Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but what we give.

Put a baby in her today

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

44 thoughts on “The gift that keeps giving”

  1. …True friendship is the gift that keeps giving…

    That true, but who will bear the cost of putting a baby there, even when I think it can be sweet to give a baby in there.

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  2. I made a bunch of fruit cakes and sent them to everyone I know, only I didn’t use fruit. It was too expensive this year. I bought a bag of gummy bears. Should I feel guilty about that?

    Liked by 1 person

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